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A Dick in Time
Oct01

Who Should Eat a Dick

by tonyd on October 1, 2009 at 8:31 am

sf-chris-avatar.jpg with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors have been so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

— The anonymous neighbor who called the state down on a Michigan mom who was watching her neighbors’ kids before school, accusing her of operating an unlicensed day care, should eat a huge, neighborhood-sized dick.  “It takes a village…”, right?

—  Six Connecticut women have been charged with beating a woman after her performance at a karaoke night.  They were ejected from the bar before they could sing their song choices.  I find this whole situation very depressing.  Those girls should be able to sing a song.  How about “Put it in Your Mouth” by Akinyele?

— To the sick fuck who wrapped a cat in duct tape and dumped it in North Philly, he (let’s all be honest, this was a dude– no chick would think of something as stupid as duct taping a cat) deserves to eat a dick, and to sit in a box full of rabid cats with a bag of catnip wrapped around his dick with, you guessed it, duct tape.

— Stephfon Bennet, the idiot who asked out a woman at her home who he had just robbed two hours earlier, should eat a dick, and then be slapped in the head with it.  Dude, seriously, WTF?

— A big dick– big enough to feed an army– needs to be served up to the Canadian military for doing such a bad job teaching French (one of Canada’s official languages) to their own soldiers that an American company is going to teach them.  It’s a sad day when a country fails at its own language.  A sad, dick-eating day.

— And finally, for her ignorant, racist, and borderline homophobic blathering, Ann Coulter is the first recipient of a very special honor in this column’s history, the “Who Should Eat a Dick Lifetime Dick in the Mouth”.  Whosoever receives this award is entitled to have a dick in his/her mouth in perpetuity, thus ensuring that all be spared hearing anything else they have to say, or, at the very least, reducing the sounds that come out of their mouth to resemble those of the adults in Charlie Brown cartoons.  Way to go Ann Coulter– now have a dick in the mouth, and shut the fuck up.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.

└ Tags: a, chris, Dick, eat, frat, humor, Moreno, News, should, super, weird, who
Comments Off on Who Should Eat a Dick
Sep29

Twitter in Focus: Ben Stiller

by tonyd on September 29, 2009 at 12:01 am

Hello, bros and welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Ben Stiller, star of the hilarious, Tropic Thunder.  Let’s see if his tweets are just as funny.

August 12th, 8:32pm:  “As promised — Mickey Rooney on Twitter: http://bit.ly/iyLqL”

This is for Ben’s tweet and his production company, Red Hour Films.  It has some cool stuff on his site.   Nice.  Workin’ it Ben, workin’ it!

August 13th, 6:48pm:  “On a remote island vacationing. Really enjoying dropping off the grid totally disconnecting from the world.”

Except for that Blackberry in your hand.

August 21st, 3:04am: “Just watched Hannah Montanah with my 7yr. old. We had wildly divergent experiences of the movie.”

Yeah, I found it a bleak metaphor for post-modern angst.

August 21st, 3:57am: “The Hoedown was definitely throwndown”

The Hoedown?  *google-google-google*  Ahh!  Miley Cyrus music video!

August 24th, 3:03am: “I have hired 12 writers to work full time on tweets. Just to get it going. We go everywhere together. They wrote “Hello, Sweden Girl”.”

Yeah, I auditioned for that gig, but got flagged for being two characters over the limi

August 25th, 9:45am: “Met w/ @RyanSeacrest to discuss new projects…and the possibility of getting a “shoutout”…watch — http://bit.ly/fYxoN”

Ha!  Shit, he has 2.3 million followers.  There is no God.

August 28th, 12:46am: “WWWWWAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUPPPPP????????!!!!!! — the Writing Team.”

Nice job, fellas.  I almost believe these are Ben’s posts.

August 28th, 3:57am: “It is really not good looking at the RTd “WZZUP”… no irony coming through. I take full responsibility. Oops! emoticon .”

I think you may be overthinking this, Ben’s twitter writing team.

August 28th, 4:01am:  “RT @Nick_Sydney: @RedHourBen You have to reply to some fans,… Hi Nick. I am not Danny Glover, and would in no way try out tough him”

C’mon, you could remake Predator 2 or Lethal Weapon 3.  “I’m THIS close to retirement!”

August 28th, 2:27pm: “@DAVID_LYNCH And I want to be your friend, David.”

Dude, that’s just creepy.  But then again, it is David Lynch.  He might like that.

August 30th, 2:21pm: “I dreamt that JD Salinger started tweeting.”

Me too.  Then he tried to sue everyone that read his tweets.

August 30th, 9:32pm: “RT @lancearmstrong: Congrats to @ghincapie for his win at USPRO. Stars and stripes always looked good on you, man. — Yes GEORGE!”

Look at this guy, always with the namedropping.  Or what do they call that in twitter?  Name-Tweeting.  I coined it.  It’s my word!

September 2nd, 11:21am: “It’s cool to tweet once a week, right?”

Ben’s team of writers, you lazy bastards, no it is not okay!  Hook it up to his facebook account and you can update both at once.

September 4th, 12:20pm: “Does anyone have @alyankovic‘s number?”

You don’t call, Al.  When the time is right, Weird Al will summon you.  Probably to be in a music video for the song, “In the Stiller of the Night”.

September 5th, 2:23am: “Just saw District 9 – GREAT. Even greater –met a follower – Mike- (first time) working at the theater — Hi man! @mikegamms”

Aw, yeah, that was awesome.

September 5th, 11:29pm: “Movie rec: “It Might Get Loud” — great doc about The Edge, Jimmy Page and Jack White and the creative process. Inspiring.”

Yeah, that looked cool, but felt like more of a cable movie to me.

September 6th, 12:46pm: “Since the President can’t say it, I will. “Be Cool, Stay in School””

Dammit!  Stop spreading his propaganda!

September 7th, 11:04pm: “@ThatKevinSmith Will we cross paths in the night this Halloween? I hope so…”

Look at this guy, always networking.  I wish I was better at that.

September 8th, 3:57am: “RT @ThatKevinSmith: Via @RedHourBen ” Stop flirting and sell me your fucking mansion estate on layaway! — make me an offer.”

Do you know how long it will take for Kevin to pack away all those Star Wars figures?  Give him some time, man.

September 8th, 4:08am: “@ThatKevinSmith I am more interested in some sort of barter… like a free script, possibly a walk on in the next one.”

Dude, give Kevin that Bobba Fett with the jetpack and you’ll be starring in his next TWO films.

September 8th, 4:14am: “@ThatKevinSmith Also I hear Will Ferrel is looking to move and needs some landscaping done. How are you staying alert?”

It’s weird to read this conversation.  Like listening to half of a phone call.

September 8th, 4:34pm: “@ThatKevinSmith – You will love it. Maybe I will move into the house up the road where they shoot the adult films. Now I can go to sleep!”

Just don’t turn on the black light.

September 9th, 5:23pm: “Don’t get me laughing about it now! Seriously you do great stuff. Hope we can hook up on something. I am around if you want to meet some …”

I have to modeling my networking after Ben.  He’s so smooth.  What do you call someone that’s smooth on the Twitter?  A Twiterati?  Again, my word.

September 9th, 6:13pm: “Yes! What do I do?”

?

September 9th, 6:16pm: “I keep dm-ing the world. Let’s all have a meeting. Someday I will figure this out.”

“dm-ing”?  Are you playing Dungeons and Dragons?  Dude, I have an AWESOME Paladin.  We should totally hang out.

September 10th, 12:38am: “The President threw down tonight. Think what you will, he threw down.”

True.  He seems like a nice guy.  He’s gonna be really surprised when the dollar collapses though.

September 14th, 11:25pm: “Very sad news about the passing of P Swayze. He was a kind and generous man. Respect.”

Yeah, that was sad.  Seemed like he was beating the cancer for a while there.

September 15th, 10:59pm: “RT @azizansari: Only @redhourben truly knows how Kanye feels right now – @redhourben : Gay Focker and Hennesy don’t mix”

Thus today’s strip, albeit late.

September 26th, 12:53pm: “Just Went to Clinton’s CGI conference. Incredibly smart people working to solve the world’s problems, while I …watched.”

Don’t sell yourself short, Ben.  You solve one of the world’s problems, the lack of laughter.  I still smile when I think about you blowing up Steve Coogan.

Okay, let’s rate Ben’s tweets.  Clearly what we’ve seen here is the evolution of a new tweeter and the novelty wearing off in about a month.  Fascinating at first and then, well, what the fuck else do you say?  How many times can you tweet you’re eating a sandwich?  Still, looks like Ben may be working on a movie deal with Kevin Smith.  Hopefully, it isn’t Jersey Girl 2.

I give Ben a 6 on Style, seems pretty earnest.  His Insanity only rates a 4, as he is smart enough not to tweet anything embarrassing.  But for Mustness, I give him an 8 because he’s doing some cool stuff with Red Hour and people should see it.  That’s an overall score of 6.  Not bad.  I’m following him.  Things will probably pick up when one of his movies comes out.  Probably drive his score up to 7 or 8.

If you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, EMAIL US HERE.

└ Tags: Ben Stiller, Twitter in Focus
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Sep26

Frat Boy At the Movies: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs in 3-D

by tonyd on September 26, 2009 at 2:33 am

It’s good.  The basic premise: a young inventor with a rep as a screw up invents a machine that turns water into food.  The invention, however, takes on a life of its own in the clouds and it soon begins raining food.  While this improves the lives of the people in his island town, it eventually spirals out of control.  The voices of Bill Hader, Anna Farris, James Caan, Bruce Campbell and Neal Patrick Harris are in it, to name a few.

It’s all in good fun and never takes itself too seriously.  You’ve seen all this before: a son that wants his dad’s approve, the dad who can’t show love, the love interest, the monkey, the mad scientist.  It’s all there.  The presentation, however, is fast, slick and with a few added twists.  The whole story seems fresh and new, even when it’s not.

The 3-D was a little more exciting, than say, Up, but wasn’t intrusive.  They also showed two other 3-D trailers with the movie including the new Robert Zemickis Scrooge and another one, which I now forget.

Not much else to say except, oh yeah, Mr. T has a big part.  And he’s really funny and he’s not like Mr. T at all.  It’s a family friendly movie, so bring your kids, but the folks won’t feel like they got trapped in some crappy, sappy lame-ass cartoon.  It’s good.  Go see it.

I give Cloudy 9 keggers out of 10.

└ Tags: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs in 3-D, Frat Boy at the Movies
Comments Off on Frat Boy At the Movies: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs in 3-D
Sep24

The Super Frat Dick Masterson Pin Up Contest

by tonyd on September 24, 2009 at 2:44 pm

Hey Bros:

We’ve decided to run a contest this week as we’re going to print with the comic.  We’re looking for a pin up of Dick Masterson with or without the guys from Super Frat.  The best pin up we choose will get the artist $50 from Lead Pipe Studios and a free copy of The Super Frat Dick Masterson Special.  And, of course, we’ll feature the entries on the site.  Get your entries in by October 1, 2009.  Post the pin up on your site and send the link to us HERE.  Good luck, bros!

└ Tags: Contest, Dick Masterson
2 Comments
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