Mar05

Character Bios: Brother Kelvin

by tonyd on March 5, 2011 at 12:01 am

Name: Kevin Lynnsburg, Brother Kelvin, Frosty the Asshole

Rank: Brother,  Lambda Sigma Rho

Superpowers: Ice Powers, Dudity

Brother Kelvin cannot feel the cold due to his ice powers.  He liked to streak on campus before, but now he’s practically nude 24/7.  Kelvin helps his bros Werewolf, Dookie and Biff make videos for YouTube.  He usually can’t be in them because he’s naked.

GPA: 1.3

Major: Science

First Appearance: Don’t Try This At Home

Kelvin’s Fratster Page

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Mar03

Character Bios: Count Steve

by tonyd on March 3, 2011 at 4:50 am

Name: Steve Gladson, Count Steve, Brother Goth

Rank: Brother, Lambda Sigma Rho

Superpowers: The Ability to Shoot Sunshine and Happiness from Fingertips, Ennui

No one is sure why Steve joined any frat, let alone Lambda Sigma Rho.  Normally an ardent non-conformist, the Emo mopes around the frat house bemoaning everything.  Even his superpower, which he has refused to use since the first day he woke up after the meteor hit, is a source of “pain” for him.  Count Steve wallows in misery whenever he can, writing bad poetry and listening to the Smiths.

Count Steve reluctantly starting dating Gothicka, who he met on Spring Break during the frat’s trip to South Padre.  Even while getting oral sex, he was filled with ennui.  Although Steve usually spends most of his time writing bad poetry in his room, he did emerge to assist Bitter in building Franken’Gine.  Unfortunately, it was his fault she got the wrong brain.  Bitter and Count Steve are “friends” of sorts, although neither would ever admit it.

GPA: 2.3

Major: Business

First Appearance: Goth Sucks

Count Steve’s Fratster Profile

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Mar03

Character Bios: Indestructible Dick

by tonyd on March 3, 2011 at 4:31 am

Name: Richard Warblerson, Dick, Brother Dick, Indestructible Dick, Pledgemaster Dick

Rank: Pledgemaster, Lambda Sigma Rho

Superpowers: Flight, Super Strength, Super Farting, Indestructibility, Heat Vision, Maintaining a Buzz

LSR’s pledgemaster has been at Ryesmore University for at least seven years and shows no sign of ever graduating.  The son of one of the most wealthy industrialists in Delaware, Dick spends most of his day drunk, having fun or both.  The heart and soul of Lambda Sigma Rho, Dick is not a thinker, but a doer.  Unfortunately, his think-free lifestyle often gets the frat into trouble.

Dick has a sturdy girlfriend named Kara, who is not ashamed to walk around the frat house naked.  Dick’s room in the frat house shares a wall with Count Steve’s and he frequently annoys the Emo with various noises.  Buzz sometimes tutors Dick, but he is frequently late to sessions and drunk.  Due to his superpowers, he must constantly drink to maintain a decent buzz.

Dick destroyed the Nazi robot that attack Collegetown, was instrumental in the frat’s war against Professor Abrams, is Keeper of the Porn and helped save MPH’s cousin and Sloppy Dave from Afghanistan.

GPA: 0.0

Major: Undecided

First Appearance: Dean Target

Dick’s Fratster Profile

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Mar03

Character Bios: Brother MPH

by tonyd on March 3, 2011 at 2:10 am

Name: Malcolm Paul Holmes, Brother MPH

Rank: Parlimentarian, Lambda Sigma Rho

Superpowers: Superspeed, Short Temper

MPH is the resident hothead and a badass from North Philadelphia.  Slow to trust, Malcolm joined Lambda Sigma Rho because the brothers were the only guys on campus not to treat him like a token black guy.

For some reason, authority usually goes to Malcolm’s head and he’s found of torturing pledges, especially the current ones, Norm and Jack.  MPH was lost in Ancient Egypt with the pledges and Brother Biff and temporarily altered the course of history.  He got an internship at the White House with the Obama Administration.  After attempting to use his position to get his cousin out of Iraq and Afghanistan, he took a bunch of the bros there himself and saved his cousin and another Lambda Sigma Brother, Sloppy Dave.  MPH was fighting with Ira at the time, but they became friends again.  Unfortunately, he discovered that Pledge Jack slept with his girlfriend, Michelle, while he was away.  Surprisingly, he has held no ill will against Jack.  It is unknown if he will continue his contentious relationship with Michelle.

GPA: 3.8

Major: Music/Electronics

First Appearance: Revenge of the Turd

MPH’s Fratster Profile

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