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Jul31

Your Fratoscope: July 31, 2011

by tonyd on July 31, 2011 at 1:17 am

If your birthday is this week:  If you’re leading Libyan Rebels, this will not be your week.  Otherwise, you’ll have some waffles.

Aries:   Your delicious Greek dinner ends awkwardly when you break all the plates and realize you’re in an Indian restaurant.

Taurus:   Some aliens will abduct you, but when they remove your pants to anal probe you, all they do is hand you a box of baby wipes and send you back to Earth.  Nice goin’, skid.

Gemini:   The stars say, you’ll squeal like a little girl when a rubber band breaks in your hand.  Be prepared to say something more manly like, “Ah, bitch!”, you pussy.

Lemini:   Turns out, you’re not the Chosen One, but you are the Chosen One’s personal assistant.  That’s something, right?

Cancer:   During a plane ride, you’ll have mad, crazy monkey sex with some woman from Tampa because you think you’re going to die.  Fortunately for you the plane lands safely and she’s a post-op tranny, so no chance of her getting pregnant.

Leo:   You’ll get up and feel awesome.  Then you’ll get a desperate call from your girlfriend.  She’s been kidnapped by terrorists.  Mustering all the cajones at your disposal, you track down the terrorists one by one, killing them all.  Later, you’ll find your girlfriend in that bar she likes.  Turns out, she was just kidding.  Jokes on you.  Plus six murders.  You watch too many movies, dude.

Virgo:   You roll over and go back to sleep.  Might as well.  No cool shit’s happening to you this week.

Libra:  You will drink more beers than anyone at the party, at the bar afterwards and at the hospital where you get your stomach pumped.  Nice!

Scorpio:   The stars say, you are definitely a sex addict if you try to give the EMT oral sex as he’s stitching up your bullet hole.  You know chatting people up first is usually the first step, perv.

Sagittarius:   You will realized this week that you’re too competitive.  Golf games should not end in fist fights.

Capricorn:   You’ll be caught with your genitals exposed on camera.  What will make it worse is that your caught by the stadium Kiss-cam.

Aquarius:   Your card is the 7 of clubs.  Tah-dah!

Pisces:   It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is returning to television soon, so life will be worth living again.  Not for you, but for other people.

└ Tags: Aires, Aquarius, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, funny, future, Gemini, golf, greek, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, parody, Pisces, plates, predictions, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
Comments Off on Your Fratoscope: July 31, 2011
Jul30

Rewritten Headlines: Boehner to Hefner

by tonyd on July 30, 2011 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Now it’s time for news you can use! Rewritten Headlines! Don’t read a whole news story, when you can just skim via the filter of Tony D’s brain!

Real: Republican Study Committee Opposed to Revised Boehner Bill

Rewritten: GOP Can’t Get Boehner

Real: Sick!  Woman Wins iPod for Predicting When Amy Winehouse Will Die

Rewritten: Entertainment Blog Calls Kettle Black

Real: Soulja Boy Reported Buys $55 Million Dollar Jet

Rewritten: Soulja Boy Reportedly Following in the Footsteps of MC Hammer

Real: Chevron 2Q Profits Soars 43% On Higher Oil Prices

Rewritten: Chevron Trying to Figure Out How to Make 44% On Higher Oil Prices

Real: World Population to Hit 7 Billion

Rewritten: People Continue to Fuck Without Condoms

Real: Internet Explorer Users Are Kinda Stupid, Study Suggests

Rewritten: Study Confirms What Internet Already Knows

Real: Kiss and Tell aside, Hefner keeps the Playboy Brand Going

Rewritten: Old Man Continues to Nail Young Poon

└ Tags: Amy Winehouse, bill, Boehner, Chevron, comedy, Debt Ceiling, funny, headlines, Hugh Hefner, humor, Internet Explorer, iPod, jet, MC Hammer, millions, News, news story, parody, Playboy, Rewritten Headlines, Soulja Boy, stupid, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, world population, writer, writing
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Jul30

Frat Boy At the Movies: Another Earth

by tonyd on July 30, 2011 at 12:00 am

Another Earth is a drama set with the backdrop of what could’ve been a compelling sci-fi movie.  Instead the movie focuses on a strange relationship between a orchestra conductor and a young woman that killed his wife and kid in a tragic car accident.

This movie is paced a lot like a play.  It’s slow, arduous and chock full of emoting from the lead actress and also writer/producer, Brit Marling.  Marling is a promising high school student that gets accepted to MIT.  But one night, driving back from a party drunk, she witnesses (along with the rest of the world) a second Earth appearing in the sky.  Distracted and/or drunk, she plows into the car of John (played by William Mapother) and kills his wife and young son.

(Some minor spoilers ahead)  Cut to four years later.  Marling (called Rhoda in the film) gets out of jail and tries to pick up the shattered remains of her life.  She takes a gig as a high school janitor to punish herself (which is kind of a backhanded insult to janitors, but whatever).  She eventually sees John leaving his kids toy at the intersection where the accident happened and this prompts Rhoda to first try and kill herself and then go to apologize.

The key moment happens when she goes to apologize, but rather than doing so, she lies and tells John she’s offering a free trial maid service.  John, who didn’t know the identity of the driver (because she was a minor at 17, which is a stretch if she served four years in prison), accepts the trial.  From then on, Rhoda continues to mislead John, while she helps him rebuild his shattered life.

Oh, and that second Earth thing.  That’s in the background.  There’s one cool scene where a doctor from SETI makes contact, but really, the sci-fi angle is just a metaphor for second-chances.

Despite a compelling opening, I was snoozing through most of this movie.  While my cinematographer friend thought it was genius and compelling, I couldn’t get past the fact that this woman would lie to a man whom she’d already so deeply wronged.  You know what’s harder than confessing to someone that you killed their wife and kids?  Lying to them about it.

To me, this felt like a contrivance to pump up the drama for the payoff at the end.  Ultimately, I felt cheated that the sci-fi element took such a back seat to what felt like an unrealistic drama.  I kept seeing glimpses of the movie I wanted to see, but that was happening somewhere off camera, far away from this depressing, lying protagonist.

I give Another Earth 3 out of 10 keggers.  If you want to see a movie about two earths, the best one is still Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths.

└ Tags: Another Earth, Brit Marling, cinema, critic, critique, drama, film, Frat Boy at the Movies, movie, rating, review, spoiler, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, two Earths
1 Comment
Jul29

The Walk Show #9: Small Town Walk

by tonyd on July 29, 2011 at 12:01 am

Tony D is back in Laurel Springs to see the wonders of suburbia.

└ Tags: comedy, funny, humor, Laurel Spring, New Jersey, NJ, Super Frat, The Walk Show, Tony DiGerolamo, video, walking
Comments Off on The Walk Show #9: Small Town Walk
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