Hey Bros!

Now it’s time for news you can use! Rewritten Headlines! Don’t read a whole news story, when you can just skim via the filter of Tony D’s brain!

Real: Republican Study Committee Opposed to Revised Boehner Bill

Rewritten: GOP Can’t Get Boehner

Real: Sick!  Woman Wins iPod for Predicting When Amy Winehouse Will Die

Rewritten: Entertainment Blog Calls Kettle Black

Real: Soulja Boy Reported Buys $55 Million Dollar Jet

Rewritten: Soulja Boy Reportedly Following in the Footsteps of MC Hammer

Real: Chevron 2Q Profits Soars 43% On Higher Oil Prices

Rewritten: Chevron Trying to Figure Out How to Make 44% On Higher Oil Prices

Real: World Population to Hit 7 Billion

Rewritten: People Continue to Fuck Without Condoms

Real: Internet Explorer Users Are Kinda Stupid, Study Suggests

Rewritten: Study Confirms What Internet Already Knows

Real: Kiss and Tell aside, Hefner keeps the Playboy Brand Going

Rewritten: Old Man Continues to Nail Young Poon