Your Fratoscope: June 24, 2019
on June 24, 2019 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: Your presents will consist of the horrible gifts you’ve given, regfited back to you.
Aries: You fall asleep on your lazy barber, so he just shaves your head and colors it with a magic marker.
Taurus: Turns out, flashing your tits at a traffic stop makes the situation incredibly awkward, so you tell the cop to put her shirt back on.
Gemini: The stars say, you will be caught shoplifting the DVD of Captain Marvel, so they make you take ten copies.
Lemini: You’ll be bitten by a radioactive giraffe, but you have the superpowers removed by your doctor.
Cancer: Your roommate finally confesses that he’s a cannibal, which is why he replaced all your shampoo with barbecue sauce.
Leo: This week, your lawn gnomes come to life and steal your car.
Virgo: You will be accosted by an NBA mascot.
Libra: The neighbors will ask that you shut your curtains while you’re working out.
Scorpio: You’ll be arrested for having sex with baked goods…again.
Sagittarius: You will be snubbed by Spongebob at a high end restaurant.
Capricorn: The manager of the hardware store will tell you for the tenth time to stop making jokes about “your tool”.
Aquarius: You will be cast as a principle extra known only as “Ugly Person #2”.
Pisces: Your sushi making skills serve you well when you fall in the tank at the Aquarium.
