If your birthday is this week:  You find out about your surprise birthday party, but April Fools!  It’s your Intervention!

Aries:  Your ex will share numbers on public Facebook posts and ask you to guess what they are!  April Fools!  They’re your pin numbers and credit card numbers!

Taurus:  You’ll be on time for your job interview, but April Fools!  Your roommate drew dicks on the back of your suit jacket!

Gemini:  Your car will be full of packing peanuts as a prank, but April Fools!  Upon closer examination, they’re actually marshmallows that melted together in the sun!

Lemini:  You and your date decide to take your relationship to the next level, but April Fools!  Herpes!

Cancer:  You find your wallet in the foods, but April Fools!  That’s just the bait for a hillbilly rape trap!

Leo:  You’ll enjoy a delicious free barbecue in a supermarket parking lot, but April Fools!  The guy barbecuing is the same guy that picks up roadkill for the state!

Virgo:  You’ll emerge from your coma after many months, but April Fools!  Donald Trump is president!

Libra:  Someone’s left delicious, buttercream chocolate eggs in fridge at work, but April Fools!  They’re not for you and they’re fill with warm mayo!  At least you hope it’s mayo!

Scorpio:  You finally had sex with that hot food server at the diner, but April Fools!  It was a joke condom meant for display only!

Sagittarius:  You finally decide to sign up for that free yoga class, but April Fools!  You’ve joined Scientology by mistake!

Capricorn:  You build a robot that’s self aware to serve humanity, but April Fools!  All it does is get high and play Call of Duty all day!

Aquarius:  You finish your degree in Philosophy, but April Fools!  You have to work at Starbucks so you don’t starve!

Pisces:  You’ll finally get a date on one of the dating sites, but April Fool’s!  It’s a sex doll, but she’s still too high maintenance for you!