Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  You sensei comes for a visit and together, you teach that biker gang a lesson they’ll never forget.

Aries:  Your cupcake launcher is a huge success with fat people who’d rather not make the long trip to the kitchen.

Taurus:  Your excuse for missing your friend’s improv performance is totally believable to your friend until he reads your Fratoscope here.

Gemini:  Turns out the mummy’s curse means there’s never anything good on Netflix for you.

Lemini:  The peace treaty you have with the squirrels is finally broken.  Prepare to be pelted with acorns in your driveway.

Cancer:  You robot roommate is a success!  Now if you can just get him to stop masturbating and borrowing your money.

Leo:  The stars say, you may be are too successful.  Smoke some pot and lounge around so other people get a chance.

Virgo:  You sit on something very uncomfortable during your trip to the dildo factory.

Libra:  This week, keep your car full of gas and your zombie weapons and survival gear ready.  They’re going to have you committed this time.

Scorpio:  You S&M session is a little loud and your neighbors will complain about the slapping noise.

Sagittarius:  Your Scorpio neighbor sounds like he’s beating two hams together.

Capricorn:  Be careful, your town’s mayor is an aspiring Bond villain.  Don’t let him pass that ordinance involving volcano lairs.

Aquarius:  Your alligator, Scaly survived the flush and this week he’s back for revenge.

Pisces:  Your imaginary friend comes by for a visit and take you out to brunch.  Unfortunately, he’ll “forget” his imaginary wallet.