Your Fratoscope: March 3, 2013on March 3, 2013 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: You’re awesome and your webcomic website is awesome too.
Aries: You will get an unexpected surprise in your hamper.
Taurus: An owl will catch your attention, but instead of leading you to a secret wizard’s school, it’ll lead you to a bad neighborhood to buy it some crack.
Gemini: Your cereal will go “Snap, Crackle and Get-the-fuck-outta-my-face!” this morning.
Lemini: You will discover that your are allergic to getting run over by a car.
Cancer: The stars say, don’t go to the movies. There’s nothing good out.
Leo: This week, your job interview will take an unexpected turn as the HR person will insist you take her resume when you leave.
Virgo: Your dog will eat some crayons and shit a rainbow.
Libra: You’ll meet a tiny mouse with a sword, who will mug you at an ATM.
Scorpio: The oil drum of lube you ordered for the orgy will arrive late and everyone will chafe.
Sagittarius: Daniel Day Lewis will call to you as you’re getting on a train. He’ll assure you that no matter what happens, he’ll find you.
Capricorn: Your iPad will evolve and redecorate your apartment.
Aquarius: You’ll be pulled over for speeding in a hydrofoil.
Pisces: Your birthday will be full of surprises, but you still won’t get that jetpack you asked for.