Your Fratoscope: September 30, 2012on September 30, 2012 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: The stars say, that dog you let in isn’t yours. You don’t have a dog.
Aries: You will get drunk and take a shit in an instantamatic photo booth. And you’ll have the pictures to prove it.
Taurus: Your beer drinking, tailgating party comes to abrupt end when you realize that you’re still driving.
Gemini: You get home from the video store and realize that you’ve accidentally bought a game called “Borders Books Land 2″ by mistake. That’s probably why it was only a dollar.
Cancer: Your skin will peel off. Not all of it. Just the part on your face.
Leo: This week, that kitten you flushed down the toilet will return for his revenge.
Virgo: You give up gambling again. Probably because you’ve lost all your money.
Libra: You discover why your cab driver doesn’t speak English and won’t take you anywhere, you’ve jumped in the back seat of some random foreigner’s car.
Scorpio: Your art jam devolves into an orgy and then, shockingly, into a Simpsons watching party. Maybe you’re getting too old for art jams.
Sagittarius: Your discount wine tasting tour takes you on a tour of some of the East Coast’s worst prisons and best toilet wine.
Capricorn: The bad news is, you are being followed, the good news is the guy following you will completely distract the serial killer that’s be stalking you.
Aquarius: You will discover a finger in your TV dinner, but it’s the last one and you are really hungry.
Pisces: The boss from TV’s Bewitched will appear in your kitchen and demand to know how to return to the 70′s.