10:  Reality TV Show Crew Detector: This app would buzz whenever you were in the proximity of a reality TV show camera crew, thereby allowing you avoid airing your personal problems across national TV.  It’s most popular with wanted fugitives that could end up on Dog: The Bounty Hunter.

9:  Taylor Swift Sound Canceler: Using a technology that can negate equal sound frequencies, this app will make sure that you never hear this hot, sultry siren’s music ever again.  Can also be retooled to negate Celene Dion.

8: TSA’s Pocket Body Scanner App: Why step in an entire machine, when this app can do the humiliating job of stripping you of all your human dignity with just the push of a button?  Warning: Will coat your junk in massive doses of radiation.

7: Porn Hider: Allows you to stream porn on your iPhone, which looks like Bugs Bunny cartoons to anyone not looking directly at the screen.  Warning:  Must wear your ear buds for this to full function.

6:  Internet Back Up Date App:  Allows you to place extra dating profiles in your cues with ready-to-go emails.  So while your current date is going down in flames, you’ll be well on your way to the next one.  With any lucky, you’ll get a response before the waiter brings the check.

5: Douchebag Bar Ratio App: Scans the clothing and hairstyles of everyone inside the current bar you’re standing in, compares them to the Jersey Shore cast and calculates the percentage of douchebags in attendance.  Also detects spray tans depending on the lighting conditions.

4:  Fake Emergency Text App:  Next to end a date early?  Tired of talking to that douchebag that bought you a drink?  Or maybe you’re just stuck in a boring conversation?  Activate this app and 30 seconds later, you’ll get an emergency text that will allow you to exit the room immediately.

3:  iColonoscopy: Just buy the overpriced Apple attachment, flush your system of food for 24 hours and save yourself an embarrassing trip to the doctor.

2:  Onion Headline Confirmation: Confused about the news?  Has some of it become so bad that you cannot tell a real headline from one generated by the Onion comedy newspaper?  Worry no longer.  With this app, you’ll know if you’re laughing ironically at the demise of the United States or chuckling genuinely at some well-crafted comedy.  Warning:  This app may depress the shit out of you.

1: Ringer Decoy: Want to take a call or get your text in the movies?  This ringer harnesses the power of ventriloquism by throwing the ringer at another patron, so you can take the call while the usher throws out that “rude” man in the third row.  How else are you going to see the end of MI4 and not miss where people are meeting later?