Hey Bros:
Media is a snaked eating it’s own tail and we’re pouring bbq sauce on to accelerate the process! Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die! Today’s contestant, John McCain! Better you were wondering what the old man was twittering or how he even figured out what twittering is. Let’s see what his grandson posted— Er, I mean, the ex-candidate posted.
September 19, 2008, 12:00 PM: “No Time for the Facts: Time magazine’s Karen Tumulty accuses this campaign of racism for launching thi.. http://tinyurl.com/3j2cuf”
Well, we’re off to a pour start. But, hey, you have to give the old guy credit (or at least whatever flunky typed this), he at least is trying to twitter. There’s a word limit, John, that’s the whole point.
September 19, 2008, 10:00AM: “New Ad: Chicago Machine: http://tinyurl.com/3z8jyx”
Maybe it’s a program that launched all these now dead links. All the times seem to be exact.
September 23, 2008, 2:30PM: “Biden: No Coal Plants Here in America: AUWAERTER: Senator, Senator, wind and solar are flouris.. http://tinyurl.com/4bh5pb”
All the stuff that slips out of Joe Biden’s mouth and this is the stuff you decide to twitter. Plus, how can you go four days without twittering? C’mon. You admitted you didn’t know how to use a computer, how do you expect us to believe you’re sitting on the campaign bus stomping your thumbs on a Blackberry?
September 24, 2008, 2:30AM: “A Partisan Paper of Record: Today the New York Times launched its latest attack on this campaign in it.. http://tinyurl.com/47azyy”
And you expect us to believe you’re up at 2:30am twittering? C’mon! “Partisan Paper of Record”, ooo, you cut the NY Times to the quick, John. I’ve heard Care Bears say meaner things.
September 24, 2008, 9:00AM: “I Know, I know. It’s the Times.: ABC News reports: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., reportedly.. http://tinyurl.com/529f64″
Wow, I wish these links still worked. I guess they went back to your website. Everything you’re twittering is just so boring. Geez, how ’bout an observation about your campaign bus or what you do in the off hours or maybe something you ate? Oh, right. I forgot.
September 30, 2008, 11:00AM: “Where Was the Leadership?: ABC reports: “The McCain campaign has been hammering Obama suggestin.. http://tinyurl.com/52vfzz”
I think you fail to understand the concept of twittering. It’s not suppose to be endless links and pimping yourself (and this is ME saying this, the guy who pimps his site relentlessly). You’ve got to give us something personal about yourself John. Something.
October 1, 2008, 9:30AM: “New Ad: Better Off: http://tinyurl.com/52b8p6″
October 2, 2008, 3:30PM: “New Ad: Embarrass: http://tinyurl.com/3ru8un”
October 3, 2008, 9:30AM: “New Ad: Lies and Sighs: http://tinyurl.com/4wzdnv”
October 6, 2008, 11:30AM: “New Ad: Dangerous: http://tinyurl.com/3te3mz”
Geez, maybe you are twittering this. Even the dumbest of your intern could’ve posted something more interesting. Let’s go to one of your other twitters. Something more recent.
Okay, this twitter account seems much more recent. Surely he’s gotten the hang of it by now.
February 4th, 2:43pm: “tune in to Sean Hannity – listen LIVE from 3:00 – 6:00 pm http://www.hannity.com/“
Sadly, this link does work and once again, we find the senator pimping instead of talking. At least it seems a little more looser. He’s not posting on the hour or half hour exactly.
February 4th, 5:07pm: “Meeting with the Prime Minister of Albania, Sali Berisha!”
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere! This seems exciting. I mean, Albania’s kind of a tiny country, but still, it’s not like you’re preside— Ouch, sorry.
February 4th, 6:42pm: “On the floor for the Wednesday night vote-a-rama.”
Hey, look at this guy! There he is! Makin’ a joke and— Wait a minute! How dare you make a joke about voting in Congress, Senator! What would your constituents think?! Nah, I’m just kidding. Joke all you want.
February 5th, 9:34am: “heading to the floor to speak on my amendment”
Well, you’re still not as interesting as the porn star I was going to focus on, but at least we get a glimpse into your senatorial duties. You’ll understand that I have to post interesting pictures with this, so I’ve chosen boobies. It has nothing to do with you, you understand, we just need to get people to read this.
February 5th, 12:46pm: “quick fox news hit and back to the floor”
I imagine this is like a brisk splash of cold water in the face for a Republican. “Ahhhh! Fox News! Reinvigorates!”
February 6th, 4:22pm: “I will be on Face the Nation on Sunday…or you can catch me on the floor”
Catch you on the floor? You’re a U.S. Senator, not an R.A. Don’t invite the Twitter Nation to the floor of Congress. It would be chaos!
February 6th, 7:35pm: “will speak on the floor momentarily”
Nice. Immediate. Personal. Now just make it interesting. Type something like, “will speak on the floor momentarily…it smells like farts in here” or “Barney Frank keeps making faces at me, I should punch him.”
February 9th, 8:28am: “ICYMI, I was on Face yesterday:http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/ftn/main3460.shtml”
Whoa! Slow down there grandpa! You were on “Face”? Is that what the “kids” call it? When do you go on “Meet”?
10 Hours ago: “I will be accepting the Tracy’s Kids 4th annual Courage award this evening: http://tracyskids.org”
Nice. Guess you’re not all bombs and war. Of course, wouldn’t it make more sense to send dying cancer patients to fight our wars? They’re dying anyway. I think I see and amendment here. Think about it.
So, John Mccain twitters. On the one hand, I thought his pathetic twittering reflected poorly on his computers skills, but now that he has the hang of it I have to ask, “Shouldn’t this guy be doing something more important that twittering?!” I mean, I’m not from Arizona and maybe it’s cool to keep tabs on your senator, but— I don’t know. Seems like any activity that is more appropriate for a 14 year-old should really be avoided by a US Senator. I mean, that’s like having your own website or myspace or facebook.
Senator John McCain, I have to give you a 4 for Style (you’re getting the hang of it, but you’re boring me), a 1 for Mustness (if it was mustiness, you’d get more) and finally a 7 for Insanity (Bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb Iran? What the Hell were you thinking?!). That’s a total of 12 or a 4 Overall.
