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May03

Frat Boy At the Movies: X-men Origins: Wolverine

by tonyd on May 3, 2009 at 10:49 pm

I am of two minds when it comes to this Wolverine movie.  There is Movie Tony, who looks at it like a movie and Fanboy Tony, who looks at it from a perspective of a comic book turned into a movie.  Let’s see how they shake out:

Movie Tony:  The X-men franchise returns with a Wolverine movie.  Foreshadowed in the previous X-men movies, the Wolverine movie is a lukewarm addition.  Although it’s chuck full of action and interesting powers, the characters themselves are pretty two-dimensional.

Fanboy Tony:  WTF?  Wolverine is kind of like the Boba Fett of the X-men.  He’s a badass supporting character that you always want to know more about it.  The problem this movie has is the same problem the comic book has, when the badass becomes the main character, he ceases to be mysterious and cannot maintain his badassitude.  Since he’s got to grow and go on a “journey”, it ends up compromising the stuff that made him cool.

Movie Tony:  The fact that Wolverine and his brother, Victor, lived over a hundred years doesn’t seem to come into play beyond the opening credits.  It just seems like fanboy candy that doesn’t pay off.

Fanboy Tony:  I thought that was cool and it stuck to the basic origin of the characters.  Except, of course, that Sabretooth was always kind of implied to be Wolverine’s dad.  Making them brothers changes the whole dynamic!

Movie Tony:  My problem with the brother’s relationship was that Wolverine seems to abrupt leave his brother after spending years killing people.  There’s no explanation.  Wolverine says, “We didn’t sign on for this.”  But clearly, in the opening montage, they did.  Are we expected to believe that after over 100 years together that Wolverine wouldn’t figure out that his brother is a psychopath.  There seems no event to trigger Victor and push him over.

Fanboy Tony:  That’s another thing!  They keep calling him “Victor”.  What happened to Sabretooth?  Where’s the blonde hair?  Also, the addition of Deadpool and then the big change in his origin was not cool at all.  Partially I didn’t mind because Deadpool is kind of a lame character, but he’s normally a joke in the Marvel Universe.  Why try and make him serious?

Movie Tony:  Yeah, all those characters didn’t seem to add much.  When Wolverine calls the fat guy “bub” and he thinks it’s “Blob”, that’s apparently some sort of revelation.  It didn’t feel like one.

Fanboy Tony:  It’s a lame revelation.  Blob is a bad guy.  I think it would’ve been better to show him turning bad.  Gambit was sort of cool, but again, he’s just more window dressing in a plot that’s too convoluted and doesn’t even follow the comic book.

Movie Tony: Convoluted is exactly right.  The movie is brimming with characters and since it’s a prequel, it’s largely dependent upon the audience’s knowledge of X-men lore.  If you don’t know that, those scenes fall kind of flat.

Fanboy Tony:  Yeah, after X-men 3, you really can’t fix this franchise without starting over.  Like the comic book, pretty soon everyone in the movie is using powers and they just sort of blend together.  And the end with Wolverine forgetting everything was soooooooo lame.

Movie Tony:  As a movie, it doesn’t really hold up.  And the reveal at the end of how they dupe Wolverine is kind of a cheat and not a very clever one.  I give this movie 4 keggers out of 10.  Mindless action, if you like bright shiny things.

Fanboy Tony:  I give this movie 3 keggers out of 10.  Wolverine works better as a supporting character and the changes of Marvel continuity didn’t seem to get the filmmakers anything.

└ Tags: Frat Boy at the Movies, X-men Origins: Wolverine
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May02

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Informers

by tonyd on May 2, 2009 at 10:01 pm

Remember the 80’s?  Well, according to writer Bret Easton Ellis, it’s pretty much nothing but cocaine, sex, AIDS, bad hair, bad music, over indulgence, Ronald Reagan, greed and people who are just empty, empty vessels.  What do you expect from the guy that wrote American Psycho?

Set in mid-80’s, The Informers follows a group of characters that are, for the most part, horribly empty people. Graham is a rich kid that deals drugs and has orgies with anything good looking with a pulse.  His buddy, Martin is even worse and his girlfriend Christie is even more a sex fiend.   The story also drifts around and follows an 80’s rock star that’s a pedophile and trying to get to see his kid from his divorcing wife.  And it follows a doorman, who gets caught up in his uncles criminality.  Plus Kim Bassinger and Billy Bob Thorton play a couple that divorced and is trying to get back together, but really isn’t.

The movie just meanders everywhere, but there are some highlights.  The fake 80’s band sounds really cool.  The subplot with the doorman, played by the late Brad Renfro, is really good.   But the screenplay, written by Ellis and Nicholas Jarecki is empty of message other than “the 80’s were an empty decade”.  There’s really no explanation of why and people smoking on planes and restaurants and doing coke off of bare breasts really isn’t a substitute for a story.

But Amber Head is all KINDS of naked in this movie and she is hot, bros.  Totally, fuckin’ smokin’.  But even her amazing tits can’t save this movie.  Not even her bush, which sadly doesn’t appear, can save it.  Director Gregor Jordan just can’t seem to pull the stories together in any kind of meaningful way.  The whole movie seems built around the final shot, which kind of beats you over the head with 80’s and its emptiness.  We get it!  It will leave you wondering things like, “Why don’t these people go to a doctor?”,  “Why don’t they just get a divorce?”, “Why doesn’t she just say no?”, “Why doesn’t he just leave?”  It’s a shame Brad Renfro is dead, he really is a standout in this not so standout movie.

I give The Informers 3 keggers out of 10.  Amber Head’s tits gets a 10 out of 10 though.

└ Tags: Frat Boy at the Movies, The Informers.
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May01

Free Comic Book Day– Manhattan Beach style!

by tonyd on May 1, 2009 at 11:49 pm

sf-chris-avatar.jpg

Aw, yeah!

Saturday, May 2nd, I’ll be at The Comic Bug in Manhattan Beach, CA from 12pm – 5pm, celebrating Free Comic Book Day with some of my pals, including Rafael Navarro, Robbi Rodriguez, Josh Dysart, and Joshua Fialkov to name a few!

I’ll be on hand to do sketches, sign books and share in the festivities as the ‘Bug brings free comics to the masses!

For more info, check out The Comic Bug’s website!  http://www.thecomicbug.com

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Apr30

Who Should Eat a Dick

by tonyd on April 30, 2009 at 10:22 pm

sf-chris-avatar.jpg with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors have been so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

—  Jerome Kenneth Kingzio, the man who peed on a fellow passenger on a flight to Hawaii, should eat a piss-dipped dick with pineapple.

— OMG WTF– The Texas bus driver who crashed his bus because he was texting should have a big ol’ Texas-style, BBQ-ed dick crashed right into his mouth. LOL.

— The doctor who used veterinary equipment to perform breast and buttock implant surgeries out of his home should have to eat a dirty dog’s dick. The people who allowed a guy to perform breast implant surgeries in his kitchen in the company of his three dogs, cat and parrot should all eat a little dick, too. I mean, duh.

— Speaking of cosmetic surgery, Rev. William Blasingame, the NY pastor accused of stealing over $84,000 from his parish to pay for Botox injections and prescription drugs, needs a hot beef injection to the face.

— The two Spaniards who were arrested when they accidentally sent 21 ounces of hashish to the wrong address, they should each eat a… Well, they’re going to prison, so they’re bound to be eating a fair share of dick anyway…

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.

└ Tags: a, Botox, bus, chris, crash, Dick, eat, funny, hashish, injection, Moreno, News, pineapple, should, who
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