Hello, bros and welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. As usual we analyze the crumbs left behind by a contestant’s twitterings to see if it gives us insight or just to look at pictures of hot chicks. This week’s contestant is Alison from the band, A Fine Frenzy.
So here’s the big question, bros, does Alison have 500,000 followers because she’s interesting, because she’s in a band or because she’s hot? Let’s see if we can figure it out.
April 22nd, 7:11pm: “It’s always darkest before dawn. Is it, in fact, Earth Day? I keep getting the date wrong!”
All right, already I’m getting the vibe that Alison is a bit of a hippie chick and a little ditzy. Already I’m picturing this little waif dancing in a field of flowers with no shoes after eating too many mushrooms. But let’s continue.
April 22nd, 9:17pm: “it IS today! http://www.earthday.net/”
April 23rd, 11:34am: “good morning, world :) i’m hungry!”
She seems pretty happy and positive. Perhaps she does not need the mushrooms.
April 23rd, Noon: “does anyone know anyone who either works at a pharmaceutical company or has connections to in the field of children’s vaccines?”
What the Hell are you trying to score, Alison? Polio vaccinations? Can you get high on that?
April 23rd, 2:37pm: “thank you so much for all your responses to my last tweet! i’ll be contacting you guys shortly. it’s for a friend of mine who needs help. x”
Oh, I see, she likes to help people. That’s nice. Using Twitter for the forces of good.
April 24th, 4:20pm: “i had such a fun night last night- saw depeche mode!!! they were unbelievable.”
And she’s a music chick, of course, being in a band. Still sounds pretty positive despite the fact that Depeche Mode can be a little depressing.
(Depeche Mode in the happiest moment of the band’s existence.)
April 24th, 9:05pm: “i am terribly sleepy but i think i’m going to go for a run.”
Aren’t you just a little ball of energy? You go to a rock concert and you still have the energy to go for run.
April 24th, 9:07pm: “oh, and thank you for following me on here! i hope you are having a marvelous day! sorry i haven’t been twittering as much, been busy!”
Could Alison be this happy and innocent? Is there nothing sleazy about her? C’mon, Alison, give us something.
April 24th, 10:15pm: “Watching a coyote go about his business (there’s a fence between us but he’s incredibly close!) http://twitpic.com/3xr6t”
My God, she’s like one of those virgins that can summon unicorns. All the animals flock to her innocence!
April 25th, 3:03am: “we can all dream… may yours be sweet. good night. xx”
Aw, that’s nice. I think I may get diabetes from this column.
April 26th, 2:37pm: “My neighbor’s chubby pugs, Pudge and Buddy, both just jumped on my lap. Pretty sweet!! Pug sandwich!”
Yep, my sugar just spiked.
April 26th, 10:29pm: “trying not to get sick…”
Oh, no! Everyone, clap for Tinkerbell! Clap!
April 27th, 1:17am: “not swine flu, tiramisu hangover.. i’ve been eating so very well and then had a bit of a cheat last night… and not sleeping enough”
This is the worst thing you’ve done? Eat cake? C’mon Alison, you can’t be a rock star unless you’re pumping industrial chemicals into your eyeballs just to get high. You’ve got plenty of time to get clean later.
April 27th, 5:34pm: “Packing up house and listening to T. Rex… get it on, bang a gong, get it on!”
Again, picturing her barefoot, wearing something skimpy, dancing around the house.
April 28th, 1:09am: “i have the sniffles. my dog is snoring. what a pair. i don’t snore, though…”
Sure, you don’t snore and you’re poop smells like rainbows.
April 29th, 4:04pm: “packing and packing and packing… boxes everywhere!!! aaaaaahhh chaos!”I’m sensing a bit of a procrasinator here. She’s packing, but she’s not really packing. I’m guessing any shiny thing that comes her way is going to distract her, including twitter.
April 29th, 4:04pm: “actually… it’s not that bad… i’m so dramatic…”
Actually, she doesn’t strike me as much of a drama queen, just a bit flaky.
April 29th, 4:10pm: “just discovered a traveling garden gnome in my things. he has his own passport. height: little shorter than a shrub occupation: garden gnome”
This is what passes for comedy from a hot girl. She doesn’t have to be really funny because you’re gonna laugh anyway or nod politely or whatever because you’re hanging on her every word.
April 29th, 9:44pm: “http://tinyurl.com/6jmozl AMAZING.”
Not really.
April 30th, 2:14am: “hate something, change something, hate something change something make something better-rrrrrrrrr… good night, tweetsies.”
What did I say? Bright shiny things.
April 30th, 12:19pm: “goooooood morning! i’m wearing two kinds of stripes with plaid… how did that happen? just wrote a christmas song. yes, i know it’s april.”
Alison, you’re just a ball of cute. Personally, I’m not a morning person. You’re the kind of person that would actually call at 9am and expect me to be up. It’s nice to see someone that hasn’t been worn down by life’s dark travels because you can’t wait to see what happens when they are.
April 30th, 1:36pm: “nick drake is great packing music…”
You are either the world’s worst, flakiest packer or you have way too much shit, Alison.
May 2nd, 9:26pm: “Sleep-deprived and dreamy dazed, leaving Santa Monica to go back home… My sweet, creaky, old but new to me, box-filled home…”
Well, at least you’re out of Santa Monica.
May 3rd, 12:41pm: “Good morning, house, good morning, world! Ah, how a full night’s sleep makes everything just a little bit better!”
My God, nothing can get her down. She’s like some kind of niceness robot.
May 3rd, 5:25pm: “wow, i have a lot of stuff.. unpacking.. every now and then, breaking by sitting in the garden and listening to the birds sing”
OMG, not 19 more tweets about packing! Please!
May 3rd, 5:31pm: “have you listened to beirut lately? i think you should. listen to “scenic world” or “postcards from italy”. insta-vacation”
You’re not the boss of my music.
May 3rd, 5:34pm: “i also recommend “lion’s mane” from iron and wine and “your new twin sized bed”, death cab for cutie”
Definitely a music chick. Could this all be an act I wonder?
May 4th, 3:08pm: “oh nooooooo i think my laptop might have just died!!! nooooooooo!!! mac care mac care genius bar help!!!!”
Nope, don’t think so.
May 4th, 6:43pm: “Completely and utterly lost in downtown LA. One way streets everywhere!”In her defense, L.A. can be a bit of a maze.
May 4th, 7:27pm: “ah, home sweet home. no more driving for a bit for moi. apple, coconut water, boxes.”
Dear lord, when will the packing stop?
May 4th, 9:24pm: “I think this is weirdly pretty http://twitpic.com/4ktay”
Yeah, but this is why you can’t get your packing done.
May 5th, 1:49pm: “getting to work on the album art and photography while finishing up the last mixes on the record!!! wooo!!! we shoot the cover tomorrow!”
All right. I’m thinking you in some kind of bikini and a tub full of melted chocolate making out with another girl in a bikini. Too subtle?
23 hours ago: “Why do I always get the noisy cart at the grocery store?”
Because the shopping cart guy, Derrick, is in love with you, so he keeps giving you that one so he can find you in the store. But he’s too shy to ask you out, so instead the noise is just a reminder of his embarrassment. Sorry you had to find out this way.
15 hours ago: “wow, busy but fantastic day! wrapping up the record, getting ready for the shoot, tired tired tired! but excited :)”
Keep my chocolate bikini idea in mind.
12 hours ago: “oh my GOODNESS!!!! just passed 500,000 followers!! what on earth?? that’s a nice thing to go to sleep to. good night, friendly tweeters.”
Because you’re really hot.
3 hours ago: “gooood morning!! we’re shooting the album cover today!! and mastering the album! what a day :) i’m excited.”
We’re all excited, especially if you’re using the chocolate bikini idea.
1 hour ago: “i like exclamation points… !”
Well, at least you’re not talking about packing any more.
Alison is a cutie, there’s no doubt. Plus, she’s musically inclined and that’s a huge plus. Her tweeing is a bit flaky and out there and since she’s only 22, she doesn’t have much to tweet about. But then again, with only 140 characters, who does? I have to give her a 6 for Insantity (she’s kinda a flake), a 4 for Mustness (not much going on in her world of rainbows, unicorns and pugs) and a 7 for Style (she is really hot). That’s an overall score of 5.7, let’s say 6. Not bad. If only twitter allowed you pictures when you tweet, then her followers would be in the millions.
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