sf-chris-avatar.jpg with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors have been so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

—  The makers of Hydroxycut, for creating a product that cuts fat, but also eats livers, should eat a delightful dish I’ve created made from dicks stuffed with liver and their own pills. As you eat it, it eats you!

— For creating a Myspace hoax in which she drove a teenage neighbor to commit suicide, Lori Drew should eat Tom from Myspace’s dick– after which I’ll leave this comment on her fake Myspace page: “Thanks for the add… of Tom’s dick into your mouth.”

— A reader-submitted request! For offering Reader Ben no help in recovering his stolen textbook (priced at $87.46) and telling him it was “his problem”, economics teacher, Mr. Davis should buy low, sell high, and eat a dick.

 — Employees of the Corpus Christi State School, for organizing fights between the mentally disabled students in their care, filming them, and posting them on the Internet, should be filmed eating dicks and then thrown into the octagon with a bunch of Mixed Martial Arts fighters.

 — And finally, for doing an interview on the Horseshoes n’ Hand Grenades podcast, talking about this column, and then not posting a new column the following week, yours truly should eat a dick. I’m tough, but fair.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.