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Sep07

Frat Boy At the Movies: Extract

by tonyd on September 7, 2009 at 12:35 am

Pretty damn awesome movie from Mike Judge, who even gets a great performance out of Ben Affleck.  In a nutshell, it’s mostly about Jason Bateman.  Overworked and drifting away from his wife, he gets the hots for a hot drifter girl, Mila Cunis (in her most devious role yet).  While Mila is cleaning out anyone that has the hots for her, Jason is thinking about selling his Extract factory and retiring.  I know, it doesn’t sound funny when you describe, but what’s great about the story is that it’s a story.  It’s very low stakes about real people.  The whole thing feels very organic.

Judge knows how to leisurely set up a bit and have it pay off bigger down the road.  The movie almost completely jettisons the idea of a “villain”.  A lazier writer and director would’ve have a “big bad corporate guy” coming in to ruin everything.  Instead, we have a whole cast of interesting characters, sometimes on the ball, but usually reacting in panic, fear and thinking with their dick.  (I think we’ve all been there bros.)

Is it as good as Office Space?  It’s pretty fucking close.  It’s hard to compare the two.  I would say this movie sacrifices a little of the wackiness to give you a more realistic take on the characters.  So if you put a gun to my head, I’d say it’s not quite as funny.  However, the story is more refined and the characters more nuanced than Office Space, which in my book makes it a better movie overall.

I give Extract a 9 out of 10 keggers.  See it, bros.  Beavis and Butthead said so.

└ Tags: Extract, Frat Boy at the Movies
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Sep05

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Time Traveler’s Wife

by tonyd on September 5, 2009 at 12:01 am

This is hands down the worst time travel movie I’ve ever seen.  The makers of this movie (and I suspect the book) use time travel as a literary device to talk about loss, relationships, etc.  But ultimately, Eric Bana’s character is an empty suit.  Boring as a stick.  And the time traveling part isn’t even cool and what little is there is constantly being played down.  Here’s a list of things that were missing in this so-called time travel movie:

1)  Abe Lincoln

2)  Hover boards

3)  Jack the Ripper

4)  Dwarves that worked for God

5)  Princess babes

6)  Ron Silver as the villain

7)  Biff

8)  An alternate history where the Nazis won

9)  A killer robot from the future with an Austrian accent

10)  The time traveler becomes his own grandfather

11) Morlocks

12)  Chad, Matt and Rob

13)  John Titor

14)  An action scene

15)  Logic

16)  Reality

17)  A fucking explanation of time travel

Anyhow, if you take out all the time travel stuff, this is a movie about a guy that sees his mom die in a car crash, meets a nice girl, finds out he has a genetic disease, by some miracle has a daughter and then dies early.  The end.  Snore.  Rachel McAdams acts the shit out of this movie, but it comes off more as flailing.  Why the fuck did you marry this guy?  You knew the deal.  At least he had a life outside of you.

Both characters are just so annoying and let the events of their lives sweep them into whatever drama.  There’s one scene where Bana actually uses his time traveling to win the lottery, leaving you to ask, “Why the fuck didn’t he do that earlier?   And if he can do that, why doesn’t he avoid dying at the end?”  It all felt like manipulative bullshit to me and I left the theater wanting to punch the usher.

I give The Time Traveler’s Wife 2 out of 10 keggers.  Feign illness if your girlfriend tries to drag you to this one, bros.

└ Tags: Frat Boy at the Movies, The Time Traveler's Wife
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Sep03

Who Should Eat a Dick: Guest Column

by tonyd on September 3, 2009 at 1:39 pm

sf-tony-avatar.jpg with Tony DiGerolamo

Every Thursday, Super Frat lists individuals whose behaviors have been so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

That’s right dick eaters, it’s Thursday and for your douchebaggery, it’s time to eat the tube steak, munch the one-eyed wiener and eat a dick.

 –  To the bastards that killed 44 people at an engagement party in Turkey.  Have a slice of wedding cake, the filling is dick.

– To the monster that kidnapped Jaycee Dugard and kept her as a sex slave.  There’s not enough dick on the planet for you to eat, asshole.

– To the fires that are burning Southern California.  May you eat a dick made of fire extinguishing fluid, water and asbestos.

–  And let’s not forget Glenn Beck, who is probably already one of the top ten dick eaters of all time.  His latest tirade on Fox News, calling out propaganda in art, which is kind of like Joseph Goebbels fining people for being anti semites.  Let’s serve GB a plate of dick as high as 30 Rockefeller Center.

– Finally in the what-the-fuck-is-wrong-with-people department, a man bit another man’s finger off during a healthcare rally in California.  The victim did hit the other guy, but dude, he was 65!  What is wrong with you?  Lucky for you, we have something for you to bite: a giant bag of dick.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board

└ Tags: Who Should Eat a Dick
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Sep03

Who Should Eat a Dick

by tonyd on September 3, 2009 at 11:18 am

sf-chris-avatar.jpg with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors have been so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

You’re in for a treat, Dick-eat-o-maniacs (I’m trying to figure out a name for you, the readers… It’s a work in progress)!  It’s a tag team Who Should Eat a Dick week!  Now it’s my turn.

— Scott Thomas Zeilinski, the Michigan man who was shot while robbing a store at knifepoint, and then turned around and sued the store, should eat a dick, since he narrowly dodged eating a bullet.

— New Jersey representin’ once again!  Colts Neck High School teacher, Megan Laboy, was charged with accepting cash from her students in return for extra credit to improve grades.  Her punishment:  she has to stay after class and write 100 times on the blackboard: “I will not extort money from my students” with a dick in her mouth.

— The Bank of America branch in Tampa, Florida that denied cashing a check for a man with no arms because he couldn’t provide a thumbprint should accept my deposit… of a big ol’ dick.  I’d be willing to open an account for that.

— World’s Worst Date– Terrance Dejuan McCoy, the man who skipped out on his lady-friend’s bill AND stole her car, should enjoy an all-you-can-eat buffet of dick, compliments of Buffalo Wild Wings, the establishment at which this terrible event took place.  (Note: dick is not part of Buffalo Wild Wings’ usual menu)

— It’s a “reply all” dick-eating on this one.  One dick for Vicki Walker, an employee at ProCare Health in New Zealand, for her habit of sending emails in red, bold, and all caps fonts— and another dick for ProCare Health for firing her for it.  You’re both getting sent emails with a red, bold, and all caps dick attached.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.

└ Tags: chris, crime, Dick, eat, funny, humor, Moreno, News, should, weird, who
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