Nov11

Twitter in Focus: Rainn Wilson

by tonyd on November 11, 2009 at 3:01 am

Hey bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Dwight from the Office, AKA: Rainn Wilson.

This is waaaaay too cool for Dwight.

Rainn is also in movies like The Rocker and I thought he was especially funny in My Super Ex-Girlfriend.  He’s got a website with his son and a Twitter account.  Let’s see if his tweets are just as funny.

November 6th, 1:55pm: “Had a lovely flight on a brand new Boeing 737 ‘Germ Tube’.”

Yeah, if only you could roll down your window and get some fresh air on those things.  Or maybe airlines could start charging for bags of fresh air.

November 6th, 7:54pm: “tres amigos de la oficina http://post.ly/Bu6J”

What?  No Pam bikini picks?  Don’t hold out on us Rainn.

November 6th, 7:55pm: “I’m now following @bahaidailyquote – Lovely little pearls o’ wisdom, not just for the Bai-haiz – Give it a whirl!”

Very Zen-like.  Who knew Dwight was so mellow?

November 7th, 1:42pm:  “Who gave me that Huskie Snuggie at Kane Hall, cause I’m gonna snuggie in’t tonight!”

Probably someone from Weezer.

November 7th, 12:22pm:  “Jim Vs Dwight – Head to Head Fantasy Football Action! http://post.ly/Byb7”

Cool!  You’re both degenerate gamblers like the rest of us!  Can you trade me a QB?

November 7th, 7:01pm: “Seattle is a mossy place filled with polite drivers. Tonight Im replacing the Space Needle with a giant Dwight Bobblehead. Who’s w/me?!”

That’s so cool that you’re into being Dwight.  So many actors seem to come to hate the iconic character that gave them fame.  It’s nice to see someone embrace it and have fun.

November 7th, 9:03pm: “For the COOLEST, MIND-BLOWING links on the web follow @jessebdylan – How he finds this stuff is beyond me. Talented, nice dude too.”

Yeah, that’s a good one.  Might have to dissect it next week.

Next he quotes a bunch of things from this twitter:   threewordsaftersex

It’s just easier if you go there and see it for yourself.  Pretty funny.

November 8th, 7:54pm: “LT, Crabtree, Shockey and Steve Smith combine for 150 yds and no TDs. Krasinski will take the crown. Idiot.”

Oh, no.  Do you think John will trade me a QB?

November 9th, 8:55am: “If I had one super power it would be the ability to prevent people from asking me what super power I’d most like to have.”

Mine would be immortality, because then I could just wait people out.  Then they’d be all dead and I wouldn’t have to worry about the question.

November 9th, 10:42am:  “I’d really like to buy you guys something. What would you like?”

Wow, it’s like getting a wish from a genie.  Only the genie’s on TV a lot.  Um, I’d like a rake.  A really, really, really nice rake.

November 9th, 11:11am: “Search @rainnwilson & you can find all the amazing responses to my question. However, I’m going to buy you all Modern Warfare 2. Out today.”

Fuck the rake!  I want that!

November 9th, 11:12am: “AND world peace.”

But we still get the video game, right?

November 9th, 12:53pm: “I love you.”

Aw, jeez.  Now I feel weird about taking the video game from you.

November 9th, 1:54pm: “I’m not saying I’m ‘in’ love with you. I love you as people and friends. Let’s just slow down and see how it goes, you know? Organically.”

Yeah, definitely.  This tweet was moving way too fast.

November 9th, 2:12pm: “attack of the one-armed yuppie babies! RT Maclaren Recalls 1 Million Strollers Due To Amputation Risk http://su.pr/2oHEup”

Look, I need chainsaws on either side of the stroller so I can take the baby for walks in the woods.

November 9th, 5:45pm: “Great Project! RT @JasonSinger Please grant this boys dying wish. http://tinyurl.com/ydt26mb Please RT #noahschristmas”

That is the saddest thing I have ever read.  Do not, repeat, do not click the link unless you want to be sad.

November 9th, 9:59pm: “Is Televangelism ‘Junk Food’ for the soul? http://tinyurl.com/yz6pnhq”

I think it’s more like comfort food for the spiritually lazy.

16 hours ago:  “I psyched to be a judge for a cool new online film festival from Nikon. 140 Seconds long. Check out my short! http://www.nikonfestival.com/”

That was pretty cool.

14 hours ago: “I wonder what William Joel is doing right now…?”

Probably back at that piano bar telling everyone off.

12 hours ago: “I am going to shoot my first gun at a gun range with Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer in preperation for SUPER. I’m jizzing.”

Wow, you really are like Dwight.

7 hours ago: “1 of top 25 events of my adult life. Shooting an assault rifle with @Michael_Rooker -I looked like a weird, rubbery bozo, but what a rush!”

Five hours of shooting.  No wonder there’s a bullet shortage.

6 hours ago: “My son is attempting a poop in the dark bathroom while wearing my new “MW2” night vision goggles.”

I would hope that most people could do that in the dark successfully, but hey, I’m sure that dude in Silence of the Lambs had to take a dump once in a while too.

Wow, awesome twitter.  Rainn is a lot of fun.  Steady tweets.  And cool stuff.  Let’s rate him.  I give Rainn an 8 for Style, a 10 for Mustness and a 9 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 9.  Definitely someone you should be following.  And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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Nov07

Frat Boy At the Movies: An Education

by tonyd on November 7, 2009 at 2:46 am

An Education is a chick flick from beginning to end and there’s probably not one thing in this movie for a straight guy to want to watch.  In a nutshell, it’s a coming-of-age story about an Audrey Hepburn lookalike that is 16 and, horrors, she’s dating an older man.  (spoiler)  She and her folks (the dad played by the very capable Alfred Molina) get taken in by his charm, only to find out that he is a—

Now I was hoping for one of these:

Gangster

Serial Murderer

Vampire

Transforming Robot

All of which might’ve made me actually pay attention.  But no, he’s married and the poor girl nearly ruins her life, but pulls it all together at the end.  It’s so boring, I wanted to tear the screen down and stomp on it until my feet were bloody.

That’s not to say its a poorly made film.  The sets, the acting, the dialogue and even the direction are fine.  But this is the kind of story that would’ve been fine as a one-hour drama or a movie on lifetime, maybe.  As a play, it probably would’ve been okay.  For the big screen, you’re just heightening my expectations.  I can’t help but think, “You spent millions of dollars on this?!”

And in the end, all we learn is that young girls make mistakes and even in 1961 you can fix them.  So I felt like I had invested all my time in this character, only to find out she’s not as smart as advertised and then it all didn’t matter anyway.  So why did I pay $10 bucks for this?!  Oh, yeah, the Missus wanted to see it.

Bros, there’s no boobies and no action.  It has clothes, romance, father-daughter relationships, mother-daughter relationships and a woman overcoming adversity.  Stay away, stay far away or bring a pillow.  Either that or tell you’re girlfriend you’ll meet her in the lobby while you sneak into a showing of Paranormal Activity.  I wish I had.

I give this movie 1 kegger out of 10, but only because the lead actress is pretty cute.  I am way too desensitized to see a movie like this.  Did I make my bias obvious enough?

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Nov05

Who Should Eat a Dick

by tonyd on November 5, 2009 at 6:41 am

sf-chris-avatar.jpg  with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors are so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

— The Boise, Idaho woman, who, in a fit of road rage, threw coins and a bottle of ranch dressing at another driver, and rammed the driver’s car three times in a parking lot, should eat a little ranch dressing herself… from a raging hard-on.

— Aaron Siebers, the dude who cut himself with a knife and made up a story that he was jumped by three men who were either, “Hispanic or skinheads,” just so he could get out of working at the video store, should check out some of the “new releases” from a big ol’ dick.

— South Carolinian, Rodell Vereen (I hope no relation to Ben,) just got 3 years in prison for fucking a woman’s horse– for the SECOND TIME!  Perhaps he can spend his time in jail eating a giant horse dick.  Slow and steady wins the race!

— The Detroit man who bit through a neighbor’s lips after he picked up a football that had accidentally been tossed into his lawn by some teenagers should have no trouble eating a little rumpled-dick-skin.

— The veteran Milwaukee firefighter who drugged his wife’s tea with Lexapro after an argument needs to take a sip from a thick, veiny, meat hose.

Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.

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Nov04

Twitter in Focus: Nick Frost

by tonyd on November 4, 2009 at 1:09 am

Hello, bros.  Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.

Today’s contestant is one of my favorites, Nick Frost of Sean of the Dead fame.  And if you haven’t seen Sean of the Dead, you’re really missing out.  Let’s see what the old zombie has to tweet.

October 26th, 2:30am:  “Morning all!”

That’s 7:30am English time, bros.  You get up early, Nick.

October 26th, 2:46am: “I have a chimney sweep coming round today to sweep our chimneys. I’ll be able to have a crackiling fire in the heath this night.”

Nice.  Now do they sing a song before and after they clean your chimney?

October 26th, 2:46am: “Hearth”

That’s a fireplace in American.

October 26th, 2:53am: “Did everyone have a nice weekend?”

Nice of you to ask.  (English people, so polite.)  I cleaned my gutters and ate a lot of chocolate.  This way, I’ll be fat and dry.

October 26th, 3:34am: “it’s a lovely morning… on the island.”

We hope you enjoy your stay, Number 6.

October 26th, 3:35am: “I’m off to have porridge with lincoln 6 echo.”

*google-google-google*  Oh, that Island.  Put Lincoln 6 Echo in one of your movies, Nick.  He deserves to be in something better than those God-awful Star Wars prequel.  (Although he was good in it.)

October 26th, 9:49am: “There will be NO fire in the hearth this night. The sweep discovered a crack in the lining. Smoke billowed into next doors’ front room. Boo!”

Did they sing you a sad chimney sweep song then?

October 27th, 4:08am: “In town in the office. Let’s go!!!”

That’s the spirit!  You have to admire someone that loves their work.  Be the best zombie you can be, Nick!

October 27th, 4:18am: “Today; Meeting with Joe Cornish, costume fitting, then home to wait for mobile knife sharpeners. ROCK AND ROLL!!!”

Wait are you excited about being Antman in a movie or your knives?

October 27th, 6:36am:  “I love Joe Cornish.”

Well, his hens are good, but they could be bigger.

October 27th, 7:03am: “Can i just say I love Adam Buxton too but I just had a meeting with Joe so he was the headline of last tweet. That is all.”

No, no, clearly Joe Cornish was the star of the last tweet.  Now you’re just backpedaling.

October 27th, 10:59am: “I just got the knives back. They’re so sharp they can now cut other knives. Amazing. Thanks Grinder man.”

Grinder man?  You English have a guy for everything.  Do they sing songs too?

October 27th, 4:54am: “That was a lovely cup of tea. Seriously. Gulpin’ tea.”

We have tea in America.  We call it “coffee”.

October 28th, 2:17am: “I love that my cat comes to work with me. She’s sitting on the desk right now playing with a pencil… Bless.”

If she’s working on the sequel to Sean of the Dead, tell her to hurry please.

October 28th, 4:28am: “Listening to the Adam and Joe podcasts on BBC6. Great! So Funny.”

Cool.  Here’s the link.

October 28th, 9:44am: “I’m at the beeb, they have NO ham. Also met Les Dennis, I was very happy to meet him, he seemed afraid and distant.”

No ham?  It’s an outrage.  I know how to get free ham.

October 28th, 5:34pm: “Night all, I’m going to hit the hay. (Please, no jokes about punching hay.)”

A bale of hay walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some “quackers”.  Bartender says they don’t serve bales of hay, so it leaves.  The next day, the bale of hay comes back to the bar, asks the bartender for some “quackers”.  The bartender says, “Dammit, I told you we don’t serve bales of hay”.  Bale of hay leaves.  Next day, the bale of hay returns and asks the bartender, “Can I have some quackers?”   Bartender says, “No!  And if you ask me again, I’m going to set you on fire!”  Bale of hay leaves.  Next day, the bale of hay comes back and asks the bartender, “Do you have any matches?’  The bartender says, “No.”  The bale of hay says, “Good, can I have some quackers?”  The bartender punches the bale of hay.

October 28th, 3:24am: “Just got my copy of football manager 2010 – Thanks to Miles at Sports interactive. Here goes. See you in a month.”

Soccer, Nick.  It’s called soccer.

October 29th, 2:50pm: “Is it night already? I didn’t notice.”

I was the same way with “Left 4 Dead”.  The sequel is out on November 17th.

October 29th, 3:36am: “Me and the wife can’t wait for the new series of ‘the Restaurent’ BBC 2. 8 o’clock. (9 laketime.)”

Two couples compete to run a restaurant, eh?  In America, we’ll soon have TV shows where people fight to the death over jobs or cans of food.  Should be ratings winner.

October 29th, 5:17pm: “These people on the Restaurant are pretty delusional, what are they thinking?”

I can’t believe I’m typing this, but it’s a TV show, Nick!  Reality TV is more fixed than professional wrestling or reality TV professional wrestling.

October 29th, 5:40pm: “The cheaper paints and brushes represented better value for Monet.”

Yeah, but that cheap bastard shafted me on this “Houses of Parliament” painting.  I wanted the castle from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  He said this was “easier.”

October 29th, 5:41pm: “I’m not sure the Monet thing worked.”

Ya see?  I’m not the only one.

October 29th, 5:51pm: “I went to see the Mona Lisa once, it was alright. Shit Frame.”

Hey!  Leonardo was busy designing tanks and drawing some dude’s junk.  He didn’t have time to get all “fancy” with the frames.

October 30th, 3:43am: “I’m in the Turks head having a beer. Nice. It’s been a long time.”

This place?  Looks nice.  But so help them if they don’t have ham!

7 hours ago: “Still playing football manager. I need to eat. The room stinks. Wrappers and human faeces everywhere. Is it day?”

Nick, rookie mistake.  You’ve got to stock up on supplies and game in a well ventilated space when you get a game like this.  And where’s your bucket?  Come on, now.  Don’t make the same mistake I did with Grand Theft Auto IV and just shit on the couch.  You’ll never quite get the smell out.

Okay, let’s rate Nick’s tweets.  Nick’s tweets seem very genuine and honest, although this is not a verified account, there were tweets from Simon Pegg and Dog the Bounty Hunter.  (Now that would be a funny guest appearance.)  I give Nick a 7 for Mustness, a 7 for Style and a 9 for Insanity (don’t let the fans figure out where you drink, Nick).  That’s an overall score of 7.4.  Let’s just say 8 for the sake of argument.  Not bad.  And hopefully, if you follow, you’ll get the inside scoop on some of Nick’s movies or where he gets his ham.

That’s all for TIF this week.  If you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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