May06

Help a Brother Out

by tonyd on May 6, 2010 at 1:55 am

Hey Bros!

Brother Hollywood has a new project called Unhappy White Girls and he’s posted it on Kickstarter. Check it out and help out a bro if you can.

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May04

Twitter in Focus: Michael Showalter

by tonyd on May 4, 2010 at 12:01 am

Hey bros. Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is Michael Showalter, one of the legends behind the State, Stella and Michael and Michael have issues. Since one good Mike deserves another, this twitter analysis is long over due.

April 3rd, 10:10am: “I’ll be at the Rumpus event Tuesday with Colson Whitehead and Dave Hill and lots of other smarty pants. http://bit.ly/9D0oxH”

Michael always puts on a hilarious show. I saw him once at the Luna Lounge in New York doing this bit that he was running for president. His platform mostly involved giving people cocaine and beer. His timing was hilariously awesome.

April 7th, 5:45pm: “Thank God baseball is back — now I’ll something to talk to my father about for at least the next five months.”

Yeah, unless your both Mets fans.

April 14th, 10:01am: “Great cover! Hall and Oates’ “Rich Girl” by Bird & Bee”

April 15th, 7:15am: “I was WRONG about you Kara! You rock. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTeBtw9Jhsc&feature=related”

It’s nice. I don’t know if it “rocks”. Technically, a professional wrestler should be able to enter on a song if it rocks. Still, it’s good.

April 21st, 10:22am: “”Let The Right One In” Excellent and haunting vampire movie. I will not say more. You’ll have to see it for yourself. (it’s got subtitles.)”

I heard good things about this as well. Might have to wait for DVD.

April 24th, 1:24pm: “Today is the perfect day for me to feel bad about not taking advantage of the fact that’s it a perfect day.”

On days like that, I ask myself, “What would Doug do?”

April 26th, 1:09pm: “Pet Peeve: People who laugh to themselves on the street.”

Does it count if they’re on a cellphone? I say, “Yes”.

April 26th, 6:25pm: “Taking a poll: Have people under age of 30 ever heard of “Co-ed Naked Lacrosse”?”

No, but I am too old for your poll.

April 27th, 6:21pm: “I feel like I’m not as good at this Twitter thing as Courtney Love is.”

Well, she does pretty much ignore the 140 limit.

April 27th, 7:05pm: “New poll: what is currently your least favorite/most annoying TV commercial? Eg: Mine is the “you had to be there” vodka ice ads.”

Any Progressive ad with “Flo”.

April 28th, 11:11pm: “To see my Cat Buddha please visit http://tiny.cc/vjqr4”

Those are some fat cats.

April 29th, 11:26am: “Hey, it can’t hurt to ask, right? http://tiny.cc/f7ewx”

Yeah, I posted a sign like that once, but my solid gold hooker never arrived.

April 30th, 10:54am: “Listening to Cat Power; wondering if Jason Kidd is black; about to go and buy @sarahksilverman’s book “The Bedwetter”. Pretty typical day.”

You are much more laid back than your Michael counterpart.

May 1st, 11:30am: “Inspired thought of the day: the word “PLANTS” minus the letter “L” = the word “PANTS.””

And take out the P and you’ve got ants in those pants!

May 1st, 3:39pm: “My newest film project http://tiny.cc/5hlqv”

Yep, thems some good eatin’ cats!

May 1st, 4:09pm: “Experiencing technical difficulties please stand by.”

Dammit! I hope he comes back online soon, because then he can’t— Wait a minute!

May 2nd, 9:13am: “”STAIN” + “P” – “I” = PANTS”

My God, “STALIN” – “L” – “I” + P = PANTS!

May 2nd, 9:15am: “Also “SATIN” + “P” – “IS” = “PANT””

My God, “SATAN” – “A” + “P” = PANTS! The prophecy was right!

Okay, let’s rate Michael Showalter’s tweets. I give him a 6 for Insanity, since he’s pretty laid back, but talks about “PANTS” alot. A 7 for Mustness, since he updates regularly. And an 8 for Style. That’s an overall score of 7. Worth following. And if you’d like to suggest someone for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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May03

Drunk Counter Drunk: Marijuana Legalizaton

by tonyd on May 3, 2010 at 1:01 am

And now the most important Drunk Counter Drunk episode ever. A topic that’s near and dear to everyone’s heart and especially lungs and brain, legalizing weed!

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May01

Tony D’s Rejected Comedy Samples: Hillary and Obama Jokes

by tonyd on May 1, 2010 at 1:01 am

I pitched for some conservative comedy site. Don’t know if they even read these, but here you have it. I think you’ll figure out about when I wrote these by the news stories they refer to.

Jokes about Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2009

Hillary Clinton is auctioning off a day with her husband to raise money to pay off her campaign debt. The day includes meals, travel and a very uncomfortable visit to a cigar bar.

Secretary of State Clinton is also pledging 50 million dollars to Haiti to help that impoverished nation. In return, Haiti has agreed to destroy the voodoo doll that keeps making Dick Cheney give interviews.

President Obama gave a speech about the economy. He warned that there will be more job loss, more foreclosures and worst of all, another season of Two and a Half Men.

The First Family hosted the annual Easter Egg hunt. Unfortunately, it only lasted about two minutes. Due to the transparency of the Administration, Obama ordered all the eggs left in plain sight.

Obama is getting a lot of credit for ordering the shooting of the three pirates that held an American sea captain captive. The president said that the situation had gone on long enough and that the lifeboat the pirates were holding their hostage had been foreclosed on.

Bo is the new dog of the First Family. He is a six-month old Portuguese Water Dog. And just like president, he’ll be good to look at, will make a lot of noise, but in the end won’t really change anything at the White House.

Immigration is on the top of the president’s agenda next week. President Obama is expected to give a stirring speech outlining his immigration policy. I don’t want to say Obama’s weak on immigration, but most of the debate will be about whether or not illegal aliens should get a gift basket when they sneak into the country.

You know instantly the government position is completely useless when it’s named after the title that no other government on Earth uses anymore. Why don’t they just call him “Border Kaiser” or “Border Führer” or “Border Caliph”? No company would do that. It would be like a company hiring you to do security on their parking lot and saying, “Uh, I’m gonna call you Pharaoh of the Parking Lot. I don’t expect you to build any pyramids or sphinxes, but if you do…”

And Obama has eased the travel restrictions to Cuba. This is so that families can visit relatives. Some in Congress are even talking lifting the trade embargo so that the president can finally get that Che Guevara T-shirt he’s always wanted.

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