Super Frat

Jul16

Fratty or Not Fratty with Pledgemaster Dick

by tonyd on July 16, 2012 at 1:47 am

Bros, please welcome our new columnist, Pledgemaster Dick. As pledgemaster, it is his job to determine what is fratty and what is not. Take heed bros, your pledgemaster speaks.

True Blood: Not Fratty

Although this show has tremendous quality boobage, the dudity negates it. I don’t need to see simulated DP in the middle of my HBO shows. That just ends up as a lot of man-ass. And anything this close to Twlight cannot be fratty.

Virgin Galactic: Fratty

As if being a badass millionaire were not enough, Sir Richard Branson is poised to make zero-G hummers a regular part of his week. Most fratty.

Lawn Chair Balloon Flight: Kinda Fratty

I can’t think of a better place to have a beer than 4,000 feet in the air, but if you don’t bring a cooler what’s the point?

Joe Paterno: Not Fratty

For a guy that had access to so many bruisers, you think he would’ve used them at least once to put the smack down on Jerry Sandusky. Apparently he was too busy making sure he got paid. Not Fratty Joe. Not Fratty at all.

Paulina Gretzky: Mostly Fratty

The Great One has a great daughter you’d like to bang. Totally fratty, except for the fact that she’s signed to be an Adam Sandler movie.

Hotels Ask to Remove Porn: Not Very Fratty

Hotel porn sucks to begin with and is far too expensive, now you’re going to take that away? How about unblocking the filters on the Internet? Then again, if you’ve gone to a hotel room to spank it, you should probably rethink why you’re in a hotel.

Breaking Bad: Very Fratty

Remember when the trailer of this show looked like Malcolm in the Middle’s dad running around the desert in his underwear? The show is unbelievably badass and full of fratty.

San Diego Comic Con: Not Fratty

Sorry nerds, but no matter how many times the cast of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia or Workaholics come by, this convention will not be fratty. Either add an adult film star section and a beer sampling area or just go back to comic books.

Eight Year Old Climbs Kilimanjaro: Extremely Fratty

The fact that this kid did anything at eight years old is already pretty fratty, but climbing a dangerous mountain and training a year? That’s fucking fratty.

Think something is fratty or not? Let the pledgemaster decide and email him here.

└ Tags: Adam Sandler, Breaking Bad, college, comedy, comic con, Dick, fraternity, fratty, funny, hotel porn, humor, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Joe Paterno, Kilimanjaro, lawn chair, Lawn Chair Balloon Flight, not fratty, Paulina Gretzky, pledgemaster, San Diego, Sir Richard Branson, True Blood, Virgin Galactic, Workaholics

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Jul15

Your Fratoscope: July 15, 2012

by tonyd on July 15, 2012 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: You’ll start to tell a joke, but realize it sounded funnier in your head and that it’s probably inappropriate to tell at your aunt’s funeral.

Aries: You will discover that pimps are extremely good at playing Monopoly.

Taurus: Your minotaur roommate will clog the toilet again.

Gemini: You will discover that you cannot sue for discrimination just because you are a Furry.

Lemini: The stars say, the Spiderman movie is okay, but it’s really more of a rental.

Cancer: You will finally get inside Comic Con on Monday. Get sweeping.

Leo: The meat in your TV dinner will come to life and grant you three wishes if you don’t eat it. Unfortunately, you’re really hungry and wish-granting meat tastes awesome.

Virgo: You will realize that your podcast is mostly made up of uncomfortable silence and fart sounds.

Libra: The ghost of Abraham Lincoln will come to you during the night and tell you a racist joke.

Scorpio: Your dating website will request that you allow some of the other members a chance to bang each other.

Sagittarius: You will receive an email with a time and a local address, but with no further explanation. With nothing else to do, you will go and find a package. Inside are several important looking government papers. Before you have a chance to read through them, four men in a black van screech to a halt near you, throw you inside, put a black hood over your head and take you to a secret prison. After several weeks of interrogation, you’re finally freed when a group of resistance fighters breaks into the prison and kills the guards. You escape to the jungle and later determine that you are in Ecuador. You’ll spend several weeks traveling north, avoiding capture and fighting with the rebels. You’ll have to do unspeakable things to survive, but eventually you’ll make to Mexico. There, you will get a job in a small cafe washing dishes and after several months you’ll scrape up enough money to buy a bus ticket to the border. You’ll walk to the border. Finally, you’ll be back in America. After getting a hold of some family and friends, you’ll return home and tell your harrowing story to everyone. Eventually, you’ll get back to your computer and check your email. You’ll have a second message from Yahoo apologizing if you received any strange or weird emails and warning you not to open them.

Capricorn: Your Sagittarius friend will disappear for months and you’ll bang his girlfriend.

Aquarius: Your Sagittarius friend will disappear for months and then mysteriously resurface and borrow $500 for a plane ticket.

Pisces: Your Sagittarius friend will disappear for months and forget all about loaning you his Xbox. Score!