Feb13

Twitter in Focus: Kerri Kenney

by tonyd on February 13, 2013 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is hilarious Kerri Kenney of Reno 911 and the State fame.  She’s funny on TV, let’s see if she’s funny on the Twitter.

@KerriKenney

January 24th:  “Filming the New Normal today. So far…it’s totally true!! Not one out of the ordinary thing has happened on set!”

Awesome.  Psyched for the new movie.

January 25th:  “Always wear eye shadow. People will take you more seriously with eye shadow on. #mymomsadvice”

That’s true, especially if you need to be taken seriously at a Goth club.

January 25th:  “Stand up straight. It will trick people into thinking you’re smart. #mymomsadvice”

My mother always said to stay low, it’ll be harder to get shot.

January 25th:  “If you’ve spent less than an hour styling your hair in the morning, you are not finished. Go back and fire up the hot rollers. #mymomsadvice”

I can’t fire up the hot rollers with gerilcurl, that’s going to cause a fire.

January 26th:  “Yesterday I made several twitter jokes about my mom. Today she’s in the hospital with kidney stones. Oops. #daughteroftheyear”

Jesus Christ!  Watch out for cracks on the sidewalk,Kerri.

January 30th:  “I know my OCD’s are in full effect when I start rearranging OTHER people’s toilet paper rolls to face the “correct” way. #yourwelcome”

Chelsea Lately’s green room must be spotless.

February 5th:  “Go buy @HeatherMcDonald‘s book, My Inappropriate Life, today! Then read it! Then laugh! Then you can do whatever you like. You’re dismissed.”

So many instructions in 140 characters.

February 9th:  “Going for a romantic dinner with my hubby tonight.aka putting on spanx to drink overpriced wine while discussing our son’s bathroom habits.”

That sounds…kinda gross.

February 10th:  “Lost a member of our Reno911 family this week. Helicopter pilot, David Gibbs. Our hearts go out to the other 2 victims and their families.”

Aw.  Sad.

February 10th:  “My gal pal @pink was the winner in MY book. So congratulations! From me and my book. We love you. Winner winner chicken dinner. So there.”

Look, Barnes & Noble is bound to close soon, so get this book out now.

February 11th:  “Chelsea Lately tonight! @MichaelYo! @MoMandel! @ChelseaHandler! Me! Why not?! http://twitpic.com/c2xaw4”

Nice.  I’ll have to keep an out for you on that.  Either that or you should get on The Burn.  I think you’d be good on that.

Okay, let’s rate Kerri’s tweets.  Behind the Scenes stuff, genuine stuff, celebrity name drop and funny self-deprecating stuff, how could you go wrong?  I give her a 9 for Mustness, a 9 for Insanity and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 9.3.  One of the highest in a while.  Follow Kerri.

And if you have suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

 

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Feb11

Fratty or Not Fratty with Pledgemaster Dick

by tonyd on February 11, 2013 at 12:18 am

The pledgemaster is back.  Time for him to lay down some judgement while he tries to nurse a Monday hangover.

Christopher Dorner:  Not Fratty

Although the ex-LAPD member probably got screwed by the system, blowing away three people to prove your point doesn’t cut it.  Whatever happened to a multi-million dollar lawsuit?  And while you’re at it, how about spell checking your manifesto before you post.

The LAPD:  Never Fratty

Being a cop pretty much ruins any chance of frattiness, but LA cops seem to go to a new level of dickishness.  Like NYPD and Philly PD level.

The Celtics: Fratty

Winning seven straight and the last one in triple overtime?  Very fratty.  It almost makes up for lack of football.

Justin Timberlake:  Kinda Fratty

Hey, my Myspace account was just sitting there.  I’m glad someone figured out something to do with it.

The Walking Dead:  Fratty, Then Not Fratty, Then Really Fratty, Now Not So Fratty

Just as it seemed the producers of the show figured out the complex structure of shooting zombies each week, the half season premiere (already a lame idea) goes backwards by making Rick do stupid and crazy shit.  When is Breaking Bad starting up again?

The Grammys:  Not Fratty

I think we all know why.

Snow:  Not Very Fratty

Okay, maybe if you ski and snowboard.  But let’s face it, we have machines for that sort of thing now.  I need a foot of snow on the highway like I need a newspaper to tell me breaking news.

The Simpsons: Tapped Out:  Fuckin’ A Fratty

I though iPad games were kind of stupid, until I downloaded this.  Nice!

Facebook: No Longer Fratty

Besides changing the fucking interface every two weeks, Facebook has just become annoying.  The Internet’s embodiment of TMI.  I never thought I’d long for the days of a basic Facebook profile with just six pics.  Now I have to get updates from every person I ever met.  No, I don’t want to play Mafia Wars.  No, I don’t want to see your pics from your trip to Cancun.  My timeline is like an endless stream of information I completely ignore.  Can we all just agree to move on and start over with Twitter until that turns into the next Friendster?

Jim Jefferies: Very Fratty

If you haven’t seen his comedy specials, see them.  And definitely catch his new TV show, Legit on FX.  He fuckin’ rules.

 

 

 

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Feb10

Movies I Wish I Missed: Haywire

by tonyd on February 10, 2013 at 1:28 am

I’m not sure why Steven Soderbergh thought he’d be good to direct the female version of the Bourne Identity or why a friend of mine recommended this movie, but I needed something to justify my monthly flee to Netflix, so I thought I’d watch Haywire.

I guess it’s not a totally awful movie with a cast that includes Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor and Michael Douglas.  But then there’s Channing Tatum, who only reminds me that I also sat through that shitty G.I. Joe movie.  Gina Carano, the lead and kickass martial artist, is fairly kickass.  But her movies are more functional than flashy.  That added a certain realism to the flick, but near the end (spoiler) when she’s fighting Ewan McGregor, I was like c’mon.  That skinny little Jedi Master is no fighter.  If I’m confident I can beat up the actor, he should not be posed as a plausible physical threat to anyone, especially the kickass chick in this movie.

The plot is pretty by the book: agent goes somewhere, gets betrayed, has to find the people that betrayed her.  But while Soderbergh seems to function on the pragmatic aspects of being a spy, fugitive, Bourne, etc, he seems to forget that we’re supposed to be watching an exciting movie.  The pacing is very uneven and the tone seems more appropriate for some indie romantic comedy, not a movie in which guys get their faces bashed in.  Get Carano a James Bond type theme and crank up the punch sound effects and maybe that would help.  But even the car chase is kind of uneventful.

I dunno.  Maybe watching on my TV didn’t help.  I mean there were a few interesting shots, but when several minutes go by with scenes about spies showing up for a mission and getting ready, you’ve got to wonder if Soderbergh was just padding at that point.  And the convoluted plot involving a kidnapped journalist was extremely hard to follow and I was not emotionally invested because I didn’t even know the character.

So if you want to watch an action movie that downplays the action, so you have plenty of time to play iPad games while you watch it, put Haywire in your cue.

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Feb10

Your Fratoscope: February 10, 2013

by tonyd on February 10, 2013 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  You won’t remember much, but don’t worry, the police report you get at the end of the week fills in the blanks.

Aries:  You will take out a restraining order against a flying baby with a bow and arrow.

Taurus:  The stars say, don’t park there, take the spot down the block.

Gemini:  Your week will be full of romance, if you consider a pack of wild dogs humping you romantic.

Lemini:  You’re going to Surf City, gonna have some fun.  Yeah, you’re going to Surf City, cause it’s still the one.

Cancer:  This week, your Internet connection will be so slow, that mail and newspapers will seem relevant.

Leo:  You’ll be halfway finished digging out your driveway if you live anywhere in the Northeast this week.  Otherwise, you’ll go to the movies.

Virgo:  The bookies come for your Super Bowl bet, but your booby traps are not as hilarious as they were in Home Alone.  But they are funnier than Home Alone II.

Libra:  Your entry in Wikipedia will be changed to the definition of douchebag.

Scorpio:  The stars say, the frostbite on your genitals will be worth the sex in the snow.

Sagittarius:  You’ll post this link on Reddit geting upvotes from stoned college students and down votes from the ones not getting laid.

Capricorn:  You’ll get a flat tire, but that’s what happens when you drive through the wall of a supermarket.

Aquarius:  Your Valentine’s Day gift escapes the day before Valentine’s Day, but that’s okay.  The scorpion probably can’t get out of the apartment.

Pisces:  While eating a delicious gourmet hot dog, you will get nasty looks from a squirrel.

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