Oct04

Rewritten Headlines: Dog Poop to Robin Thicke

by tonyd on October 4, 2013 at 12:01 am

Government Buys Dog Poop

Nightmares Come to Life in China

Computer Nerds Fail to Account for NSA Surveillance

Website That Wastes Time, Makes No Money

Author Probably Murdered by Secret Government Cadre

Masturbation Material Sounds Pretty Good

X-Files Still Has Fans

Dumping Shit in Ocean Bad

State to Passing Meaningless Rule That Cops Will Ignore

Media Still Talking About Bullshit

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Oct02

Twitter in Focus: Norman Reedus

by tonyd on October 2, 2013 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is almost single-handedly making the Walking Dead totally watchable.  It’s the Boba Fett of zombie TV shows, ladies and bros, Norma Reedus!

September 28th:  “”

A handy link to have, sir.

September 28th:  “Just posted a photo ”

Someone should take a picture of you posting the photo of the picture.

September 28th:  “Anna did it ”

Aw, that’s nice.  Norman’s an actor that really appreciates the fans.

September 28th:  “Hailey with little norman ”

It occurs to me, don’t these kids have nightmares about your show?

September 28th:  “Just posted a photo ”

Don’t worry, kitty.  You’re safe from the zombies!

September 29th:  “. (It’s Happening ) ”

Hmm, interesting.  A man of many talents.  I could see Daryl doing something similar, but with all the zombies he killed.

September 29th:  “Honored to be part of project. Check it out ”

Norman, you’re leading an interesting life.

September 29th:  “Big Morning Buzz Live with Carrie Keagan returns tomorrow 10am!! ”

Oh, yeah, she was on Reno 911.

September 29th:  “Breaking bad tonight !! Finale!!!! ”

It was glorious.  Much like that action figure.

September 30th:  “Purplepants”

Short and to the point.  We need more tweets like this, people!

September 30th:  “Oct13! ”

Now that would be a fun scene in the Walking Dead.  “Hey.  Is that Gene Simmons?  Well, better put him down.”

4 hours ago:  “”

Nice!  Back in the movies!  Good to see it.

2 hours ago:  “ is taking over ! Take the and post a a… ”

Not sure what that is, but it looks cool.

59 minutes ago:  “【ゾンビ幕張にあらわる！】yes!!!!! ”

Hmm, never thought about Japan and the zombie apocalypse.  What would you do with all the people who killed themselves out of shame?

Okay, let’s rate Norman’s tweets.  I like them a lot.  They’re fun and a bit of a mystery at times.  Got a little behind-the-scenes, I think his account is definitely one to follow.  I give him a 9 for Insanity, an 8 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 9.  Follow Daryl!  (And how long before they just rename the Walking Dead to The Walking Daryl?  I’d watch it.)

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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Sep30

State of the Websites: September 2013

by tonyd on September 30, 2013 at 8:08 pm

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Sep30

Fratty or Not Fratty with Pledgemaster Dick

by tonyd on September 30, 2013 at 12:01 am

Our pledgemaster may have failed more classes than most students take, but…

Ah.  Shit.  Thought I was going somewhere with this.

Oh, well.  It’s time for Fratty or Not Fratty.  Your pledgemaster speaks!

End of Breaking Bad:  Pretty Fratty

It’s really nice to see a show end before it starts to suck.  You just don’t get much better than the run of this series.  If you missed it, it’s time to get Netflix now.

Space X:  Sorta Fratty

Commercial Space Travel?  Hmm, call me when it’s the same as international waters.  I don’t know if I can gamble and get drunk in zero-g.

Politics:  Not Fratty

Was there a time in the world where you didn’t hear about politics and politicians every fucking day?  I’m glad I failed Poly-Sci.  To protest!

Cookie Butter:  Fratty

It’s like peanut butter only not healthy.  It’s like spreadable cookie dough.  Great on cookies.

Video Pop Up Ads With No Off Button:  Not Fratty at All

What the fuck, the Chive?  I realize that there’s overhead in bringing me high quality pics of cleavage and strange single chicks I’ll never bone.  But when it’s 3am and I’ve inadvertently left the volume on my computer, I really don’t need to be blasted by an ad for Axe Body Spray “somewhere” on your God damned page.

The Chive:  Usually Fratty

Except the aforementioned pop up ads, it’s pretty good.

Drinking Outside:  Not as Fratty

Don’t get me wrong, drinking is always pretty Fratty.  But drinking outside can lose its allure.  At least in the frat house, our rugs are pretty chill and even waking up across the hard wood steps is better than sand on an ant hill.  Just sayin’.

Complicated Beer Bongs:  No Longer Fratty

Okay, it was fun for a while.  I mean, to see what people would come up with.  But when you’re standing there with some kind of tube in your hand and the resident beer bong maker is pouring Natty Light into his giant funnel a can at the time, I can get a little impatient.  I’d like to be drunk now, please.  Just give me a damn pen and I’ll shotgun it.

Beer Pong:  Still Fratty

Ah, I look forward to the new league this year!  So many new recruits with fresh livers!

Zach Galifianakis:  Kinda Unfratty

Look, I know it’s sorta cool to hate Justin Beiber.  I’m no fan, but doesn’t Galifiankis have any better targets than him?  Seems like Zach could aim a little higher than a pop star a lot of people already can’t stand.

GTA 5:  Fucking Fratty!

I have a boner just thinking about this game.  So sweet!

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