Jun08

Rewritten Headlines: Blue Screen of Death to Whiskey-Puss

by tonyd on June 8, 2018 at 12:01 am

Blue Screen of Death Now Blue Screen of Death

Anger Management About To Get New Patient

End of the World in 2020

Skynet Preparing to Kill Us All

Life is Really Shitty in Midwest

20 Percent Chance of Shit Storm

Toy Works Too Well

Worst Cake Ever

Miss Saudi Arabia Not Hot

Whiskey-puss

 

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Jun06

Ten Reasons Why I Won’t Fly Anymore

by tonyd on June 6, 2018 at 1:06 am

  1. I like my dog.
  2. I like my stuff.
  3. I like hot chicks that dress hot.
  4.  I like my friends.
  5.  I like privacy at home.
  6.  I like my nose.
  7.  I like sobriety.
  8.  I like actually getting what I paid for.
  9.  I hate the TSA.
  10. No, seriously, fuck the TSA.
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Jun04

Fat Guy Eats: Royal Crown

by tonyd on June 4, 2018 at 12:01 am

Restaurant:  Royal Crown

Address:1051 S White Horse Pike, Hammonton, NJ 08037

Food:  Ice Cream and Sandwiches

Price:  Good

Portions:  Very Big

Taste:  The Best

Service:  Incredible

Atmosphere:  Take Out

Simply put, Royal Crown has the greatest ice cream in the world.  I cannot tell you how good the sandwiches are because every time I’ve been there, I’ve gotten the ice cream.  Specifically what I get is the soft serve strawberry, blueberry or peach.  It’s made with the local fruit and let me tell you, there’s nothing better.  Nothing.

I’ve tried many other places and they do not compare.  The all taste artificial to me now.  I’ve been ruined for all ice cream.  Also good, the Graziano.  It’s pistachio hard ice cream with Bing Cherries.  Also locally sourced.  I’ve heard that the sandwiches are really good.

But again, it’s all about the ice cream.  They’re open seasonally and they close whenever they want.  If you live within driving distance, you must stop by.  The inside is a bit small, but there’s some outside seating.  If you go in the summer, be prepared to eat it in your car.

I give Royal Crown a rare 11 out of 10 keggers.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

 

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Jun03

Your Fratoscope: June 3, 2018

by tonyd on June 3, 2018 at 1:16 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  The stars say, most of your birthday presents will be purchased at a nearby gas station.

Aries:  The Publishers’ Clearinghouse Sweepstakes people will come to your door with a big check…and ask you for directions.

Taurus:  The stars say, don’t stick your genitals in anything with batteries this week.

Gemini:  Due to a paperwork snafu at Facebook, you will end up being Mark Zuckerberg’s personal butler for a week.

Lemini:  You will be licked by two total strangers on public transport.

Cancer:  You’ll win the homeless lottery, but find out later the recycling center won’t take jars full of pee.

Leo:  The psychotic snowman you brought to life last winter still continues to leave you threatening voice mails.

Virgo:  This week, you’ll start a website dedicated to news that doesn’t involve Donald Trump.

Libra:  You’ll realize your broker’s not very good, when he insists on you investing in his Beanie Baby collection.

Scorpio:  You’ll discover that you can masturbate to images of pancakes, it just takes longer.

Sagittarius:  After getting drunk during a conference room meeting, you start a trend at work.

Capricorn:  Jesus appears to you and advises you to bet heavily on the Yankees.

Aquarius:  Stop taking investment advice from that toddler.  His parents are getting weird about it.

Pisces:  This week will be a blur, mostly because you’re wearing someone else’s prescription glasses.

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