Your Fratoscope: June 16, 2019
on June 16, 2019 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: You will get a birthday cake from the New Jersey bakery and it will smell like Axe body spray.
Aries: The teller at the bank giggles while depositing your paycheck.
Taurus: Bill Maher will personally chastise you twice this week in his monologue.
Gemini: A UFO lands in your backyard and asks you to tell Trump not to tweet about it.
Lemini: The girls on your dating app all vote to have your profile removed from rotation.
Cancer: You will make unusually long eye contact with a cow, but it will leave the bus before you have a chance to talk.
Leo: You’ll realize that the public toilet you’re pooping in is just part of a movie set.
Virgo: The consignment shop gives you money for your clothes so they can burn them.
Libra: Your YouTube Channel comments are nasty and your mother simply doesn’t know when to stop posting them.
Scorpio: The swingers club members get together for an Intervention and tell you that you’re a sex addict.
Sagittarius: Your town appoints you in charge of the indoor fireworks festival.
Capricorn: The stars say, the ATM will never accept that money you printed.
Aquarius: Just because it’s blueberry season, doesn’t mean you need to hunt the bushes with a shotgun when a pistol will do.
Pisces: You’ll write a book in a week. Seriously. It’s going to be awesome.
