If your birthday is this week:   Your fan theory that Jon Wick gets the Iron Throne turns out to be wrong.

Aries:    Your petition to have Game of Thrones remade with character names that are easier to remember gets ten million signatures.

Taurus:    Your fan fiction involving Jon Snow becoming a Jedi receives mixed reviews.

Gemini:  Your friends throw you out of the Game of Thrones watching party because you won’t stop asking, “Where’s Frodo?”

Lemini:  Turns out the little person in your trunk is not Peter Dinklage and hasn’t even been watching Game of Thrones.

Cancer:   Your cable TV provider demands a $500 payment for the last GoT episode and you have no choice but to pay.

Leo:  The dragon you invite to your GoT party keeps muttering “that’s not how it works” throughout the episode.

Virgo:   No one appreciates your Dothraki subtitles during the final episode.

Libra:   You will lose $4000 betting on Hodor to be seated on the Iron Throne.

Scorpio:   Your GoT style orgy goes forward as planned and everyone sits on the iron dildo.

Sagittarius:   A group of GoT fans break into your house so they can watch the last episode, they only decide to rob you after you ask, “Is this supposed to be Dungeons & Dragons”?

Capricorn:   Your replica Iron Throne does not fit in the recycle bin and Monday’s trash guys won’t pick it up.

Aquarius:   During the credits of GoT, Kit Harrington pets the wolf and shouts, “Here?!  Are you happy?!”

Pisces:   Your videos complaining about nerds get a bunch of hits.