Your Fratoscope: March 19, 2017on March 19, 2017 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: You’ll see many naked women on your birthday after walking into the wrong room in the old folks home.
Aries: You’ll get new followers on Twitter, doubling your numbers to four.
Taurus: The CIA writes your horoscope and you decide John McCain’s a genius.
Gemini: You will always bet on black, even though you’re playing craps.
Lemini: You will invent a Martini whose main ingredient is Windex.
Cancer: The ghost of F. Scott Fitzgerald will demand to know why you lie about to people about reading the Great Gatsby.
Leo: Your local car wash will offer a happy ending.
Virgo: You’ll be robbed at an ATM by a guy with a yo-yo.
Libra: You’ll use martial arts to get a discount at Target.
Scorpio: You’ll run out of soap cleaning all your sex toys.
Sagittarius: The stars say, there’s a better parking space closer to the mall.
Capricorn: This week, keep barbecue sauce with you at all times.
Aquarius: You will be accosted by a group of drunken mascots.
Pisces: You will inherit a llama with a gambling problem.