Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  You’ll catch your birthday clown going through your party guest’s coat pockets.

Aries:  With a bull charging, you’ll suddenly realize that you’re at least two bullfighting lessons short of being able to properly bullfight.

Taurus:  Your therapist will turn to you in the middle of your session and say, “Jesus Christ!  Do you ever stop complaining?!”

Gemini:  You will win a complimentary hornet’s nest.

Lemini:  You’ll discover $50,000 worth of arcade tokens.

Cancer:  Your dentist will keep explaining what Tic Tac’s are and winking.

Leo:  The stars say, don’t give up your dreams.  You’ll probably be able to eat all the flavors of Ben and Jerry’s before diabetes kills you.

Virgo:  You’ll over tip your leg waxer and she’ll remove all your body hair from the next down.

Libra:  You’ll take your grandfather into the guitar store and he’ll accidentally end up as a back up bassist for the Rolling Stones.

Scorpio:  You’ll somehow get a happy ending at the frozen yogurt store.

Sagittarius:  This week, barbarians will sack your cubicle and rape your copy machine.

Capricorn:  Julian Assange will release your tax returns, giving everyone a good laugh.

Aquarius:  You’ll drink a surprising amount of mustard this week.

Pisces:  You’ll poop a lot and vow never to eat at Chipotle again.