Your Fratoscope: May 15, 2016
on May 15, 2016 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: William Shatner shows up to your party singing his halting version of “Hap…py Birth…day!”
Aries: The Devil buys your soul, but has buyer’s remorse and asks for your lottery winnings back.
Taurus: You will punch a farm animal. He’ll know why.
Gemini: This week, prepare your suitcase because you’ll be selling your suitcase since you never go anywhere.
Lemini: This week, Anthony Bourdain will insult your hotdog.
Cancer: Your boss at work will interrupt your tablet gaming…again.
Leo: The stars say, wash your ass. You’re getting pantsed this week.
Virgo: You will get surprise fellatio while taking a nap on the subway.
Libra: You will poop a winning lottery ticket, but you’ll have to search several poops to find it. Good luck.
Scorpio: You will make sweet love to the ghost of the Artist Formerly Known as Prince while singing this.
Sagittarius: Beware, the squirrels are planning a coup to take your bird feeder.
Capricorn: A TSA agent will insist he check your shopping cart while you’re waiting in line at the supermarket and he throws away your shampoo.
Aquarius: Your Capricorn roommate fails to return with shampoo again.
Pisces: You’ll be at the Flemington NJ Comic Book Show from 10 to 4 on Sunday signing comic books, most which you made.
