Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  Your birthday party will including party hats, decorations and Serious String.  They were all out of the Silly version.

Aries:  You will realize that most of your life’s major accomplishments were all video game-related.

Taurus:  You will finally get that restraining order to keep the Pope from calling you.

Gemini:  You’ll be made at yourself for getting scammed by a door-to-door salesperson, but that girl scout was amazingly convincing.

Lemini:  Your Thanksgiving Turkey escapes and steals your laptop.  It demands $5000, a car and directions to Mexico or your browser history goes public.

Cancer:  Your landlord will insist that you do your beekeeping outside your apartment.

Leo:  The stars say, challenging the Harlem Globe Trotters to a football game, won’t improve your odds by much.

Virgo:  Your game of Beer Pong will descend into a discussion about philosophy.

Libra:  Your mother will lie to you about the location of Thanksgiving Dinner, again.

Scorpio:  You will bang someone in a pilgrim hat.

Sagittarius:  This week, you’ll get a terrible review on Yelp and everyone unfriends you on Facebook.

Capricorn:  Your douchebaggery will not be tolerated at the Pottery Barn.

Aquarius:  You will get into a fender bender with a blimp.

Pisces:  You will steal a banana cream pie from a leprechaun.  Either that, or you’re high on magic marker fumes again.