TonyAngryIf I’m being completely honest, going to the movies is just not something I do much anymore.  Theaters are expensive, the food tends to be overpriced and the seats aren’t all that comfortable.  Although one of my local theaters remodeled and added easy chairs, most of the time, I prefer to watch movies on On-Demand, where I can pause, eat, go to the bathroom or take a phone call without having to miss anything.  That being said, I still watch movies, I’d just rather watch them at home.

But even so, my time is valuable and when a movie sucks, it is infuriating.  Because I’ll never get that two hours back, even if I had a sandwich during it.  So here now are a bunch of reasons, Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.

The Hunger Games:  Something-Something:  Not even Jennifer Lawrence’s hot, hot body will convince me to see this on my most boring Sunday with nothing to do.  I’m just glad the franchise is done.

#Horror:  Cannot imagine this is anything but a group of producers trying to make money.  What do kids like?  Twitter!  Yeah, put Twitter in a horror movie!

Victor Frankenstein:  CGI!  It’s alive!  It’s alive!  Meh.  Pass.

The Big Short:  Ooo!  A movie about the housing crisis!  Now there’s excitement!  Holy shit, are you kidding?

Sisters:  The trailer just looks bad.  Tina Fey needs to hire back her writers from 30 Rock.

Star Wars:  The Force Awakens:  I predict the number one word in every review of this movie will be “over rated”, followed by “didn’t live up to expectations” and “kinda disappointing”.  But hey, people seem to like Specter and after Skyfall and Quantum of Solace, I’m pretty much done with Bond.

Alvin and the Chipmunks:  Blah-blah-blah:  Are you kidding?  I know, people say, “But it’s for kids!  Not for you!”  To which I say, “Even kids have taste and even kids would like to see something original and not sappy.”

Point Break:  It’s kind of amazing how something becomes older and then it’s suddenly a cult classic.  This movie wasn’t good the first time, I think it just had enough cool stunts that people dug it.  I mean, the story is kinda insane.  So no, fuck that.  And fuck remakes.

Krampus:  What is it with comedic actors doing non-comedic movies?  They used to make a movie like this and it would be so over-the-top, parts would be funny.  Now, you can’t because hey, there’s a comedian in it and you don’t want it to get read as a comedy, right?

Jesus Christ, movies are boring these days.  And while we’re at it, one quick rant on…

The Walking Dead:  (spoiler)  Are you fucking kidding me that you-know-who is still alive?  Jesus Christ, how much more insulting is this show going to get?  I’m missing Family Guy for this?  You know this show is bad when you’re rooting for the zombies to kill everyone.  God dammit.  I’m going to watch some cartoons.  Maybe Mike Tyson’s Mysteries will calm me down.