Super Frat

I can’t remember the last time I schlepped all the way to the movie theater to see something.  Quite frankly, the whole enterprise is becoming obsolete with giant TV’s, on-demand service and movies that are just too shitty to see immediately.  However, there are a few things movie theaters could add to bring me back.

1.  Actual food:  It’s pretty bad when McDonald’s would be a huge step up for your food.  Let’s face it, anything would be better than the over price popcorn, soda and candy they currently offer.

2.  Show cartoons:  Even they showed cartoons I’ve already seen, anything is better than more fucking commercials I can see at home on TV for free.

3.  Comfortable chairs:  It really makes a difference.

4.  Enforce the ratings:  I don’t really care about what a kid sees, I’d just rather not have a bunch of noisy kids at an R-rated movie making noise.  And stop bring babies!  Babies can’t watch movies!  Stay home!  You made your choice breeders!

5.  Phone block:  Block the phone signal so assholes can’t text during the movie.

6.  Adjust the volume for the amount of people in the theater:  I really don’t need the volume to make my ear drums bleed if I’m one of only four people in the theater.

7.  Serve booze:  I’m not a booze hound, but I know lots of people are.  They gotta make comedies better.

8.  Iced Tea:  This one is just for me.  Unsweetened iced tea, please.

9.  Trash cans:  If you want people to stop dumping their trash on the floor, put some damned trashcans in the theater when you can find them.

10.  Previews and movie only:  I’d be willing to pay these prices if I could skip all that other bullshit.  I’m here to see movies and trailers and that’s it.  Just start the movie!