If your birthday is this week:  Your cosplay goes awry as Batman mistakes you for the real Joker and beats the shit out of you.

Aries:  You will find out later that no one really cosplays a “Wallet Inspector”.

Taurus:  You’ll see the new action figures.  They’re action figures.  Wasn’t that worth five hours and $50.

Gemini:  The stars say, all that money you spent on comics could’ve been spent on hookers.

Lemini:  You will discover that a homeless guy in a black t-shirt that says “Staff” and what looks like a walkie-talkie can get surprisingly far inside a Comicon before anyone stops him.

Cancer:  You will stand in line three hours for the wrong Star Fleet captain.

Leo:  You’ll come to the conclusion that ever panel you’ve attended is really just a self-promotional tool by comic book creators.

Virgo:  You will walk around the floor of Comic Con telling comic creators you have no money.

Libra:  You will stand at your Artists’ Alley Table complaining that fans have no money.

Scorpio:  You and the rest of the con organizers will hurt your wrists counting all your money.

Sagittarius:  You will discover that Brent Spiner is not willing to share his free convention hotdog with you.

Capricorn:  You will eat the worst pizza in New York, but it’s still better than the crap they serve back in your town.

Aquarius:  You will find true love on the convention floor, but get distracted by a seriously discounted Amazing Fantasy #15 and lose her in the crowd.

Pisces:  You’ll see Stan Lee backstage backhanding Matt Fraction and screaming at him, “Who’s the King of Comics?  Say it!  SAY IT!”