If your birthday is this week:  You will get this song stuck in your head all this week.  Sorry.

Aries:  This will not be a good week for you as you will spot Nancy Grace and her producers going through your garbage.

Taurus:  You will have the 2nd worst pancakes of your life.

Gemini:  Superman will save you, but gives you a stern warning about placing your genitals in the jacuzzi jets.

Lemini:  You dream of being on television finally comes true, unfortunate it’s because you’re featured on Cheaters.

Cancer:  Your bocce game ends with the winning throw through your windshield.

Leo:  A homeless man will attempt to give you change.

Virgo:  The stars say, you should just smoke some pot and eat Klondike bars this week.  You won’t get anything done, but it will be awesome.

Libra:  It turns out, Father’s Day is your day.  At least according to that girl you broke up with about 10 months ago.

Scorpio:  You will be interview again by BSDM magazine, but this time you’ll fail to get the cover.

Sagittarius:  Ironically, the March of Dimes will demand that your donation be made in paper money instead of coins.

Capricorn:  You will be arrested for speeding in a drive in, but the root beer taste great before the crash.

Aquarius:  Your monkey will sign to you that you should lose some weight.

Pisces:  You will uncover a pirate’s treasure chest, but it’s just full of his old clothes and furniture.  Turns out they just used that stuff for storage.