Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  Your family treats you to a night out, mostly so they don’t have to hang out with you.

Aries:  Your family holds an intervention so you stop getting so emotionally invested in the characters from A Game of Thrones.

Taurus:  Your butter is moldy, but the store is far away, so you just cut off the outside and butter your toast.

Gemini:  They’ll be no parking space for you anywhere near the place you want to be.

Lemini:  As a sadomachiost, you will be greatly amused by a gift of kneepads.

Cancer:  The rest of the Cancers will get together and politely ask you to switch to another Zodiac sign.

Leo:  The stars say, mow your lawn, you lazy shit.

Virgo:  You will get an angry text from yourself in the future that says, “Jesus Christ, stop eating so much shit!”

Libra:  You will discover that there really is no such thing as “diet ice cream” especially in the amounts you eat.

Scorpio:  You will find out later that you weren’t meant to have sex with the person who delivered your erotic-gram.

Sagittarius:  Your Scorpio girlfriend takes your erotic-gram a little too far.

Capricorn:  You’ll be sued by a Sagittarius over your erotic-gram business.

Aquarius:  You’ll be fired by your Capricorn boss from your erotic-gram delivery job.

Pisces:  You’ll call, but the erotic-gram delivery service is out of business.