Fratty or Not Fratty with Pledgemaster Dickon August 20, 2012 at 1:42 am
Our pledgemaster, Indestructible Dick, may not know Math, Science, English Literature, History or any other class he’s taken, but he knows what is Fratty. Stand fast, bros. Your pledgemaster is about to bring down judgement upon you!
Representative Todd Akin: So Not Fratty
WTF?! What is wrong with people? Who refers to rape as “legitimate” and that it almost doesn’t cause pregnancy? That’s just messed up, bros.
Toilet Paper Ads: Kind of Fratty
These two brothers want to put ads on toilet paper. I don’t know exactly how we’re supposed to read those ads when the toilet paper is usually inside one of those containers in a public stall, but if I get to wipe my ass on political ads— I’m all about it.
Cantaloupes: Not Fratty
All this time I was giving up bacon and eggs thinking I’m eating something healthy and now this?! This is why you should only use melon to make Drunken Melon Balls. Alcohol kills the germs. I’m killing the germs in my liver right now!
Curiosity Rover on Mars: Still Fratty
Today it shot a laser at a rock. Just one step closer to banging green chicks across the galaxy! Fuckin’ A fratty.
Climate Change Deniers: Not Fratty
The planet’s on fire, you assholes!
Julian Assange: Fratty as Hell
When half the world’s governments are gunning for you, it takes giant, steel cajones to set foot out on any balcony, let alone one that technically belongs to Ecuador. And all the while, cooped up in the embassy eating yucca soup and rice and telling the world’s last superpower where it should get off—- Fucking fratty.
Vladamir Putin: Not Fratty
You know, Putin, it’s hard enough to find hot, punk chicks willing to to dye their hair pink and have angry sex with you just because they like to give a middle finger to society norms. Stop locking them up, you asshole.
Jay Leno: Fratty
Honestly, I haven’t found one iota of the Tonight Show funny since Conan left, but give credit where credit is due bros. Leno took a big pay cut to save his staff. How many bosses are willing to do that shit for you?
Tony Scott Suicide: Not Fratty
To deprive us of such genius, so not fratty.
Marc Summers: Fratty
Host of Double Dare? Did a guest shot on Workaholics. Host of Unwrapped. And now, survivor of a horrific taxi crash that nearly cut his face off. Heal up, bro. The world needs your frattiness now more than ever.