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Aug01

Frat Boy At the Movies: (500) Days of Summer

by tonyd on August 1, 2009 at 1:16 am

Bros, I must warn you about this movie.  This is not a date movie, unless you’re looking to get your girlfriend to break up with you.  The basic premise is that the (500) Days of Summer are 500 days about a relationship.

Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt from 3rd Rock from the Sun) falls in love with a woman in his office named Summer (Zooey Deschanel).  The script by Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber is awesomely original and director Marc Webb plays the notes of the relationship well as he jumps back and forth within the 500 days.  A trip to Ikea that’s a drag later in their relationship jumps to early in it when they are having a great time.  In that respect, the movie is great at playing around with different moments and contrasting them.  Bouncing around from Tom’s immensely happy days to his worst.

There’s a great supporting casts of quirky characters that try and help Tom.  (Spoiler alert)  But things eventually go downhill as Summer never quite loves Tom the way he is madly in love with her.  That’s why, bros, you should think twice about bringing your girl to the movie.  If you are in the same kind of uneven relationship that Tom is in, this story is a perfect excuse for your girlfriend to reevaluate and think if she can do better.  Be warned.

From a story stand point, I didn’t quite buy Summer’s deal.  I felt the movie fell just a tad short at telling the audience why she didn’t love Tom.  There’s a montage at the end where Tom reevaluates and looks at some of the not-so-good moments.  They’re not really that informative.  I would’ve liked to have seen something stronger there.  Maybe Tom was just in love with the idea of her being his soulmate.  The montage doesn’t miss by much though.  Also, they cut that bus shot out of the movie that appears in the trailer.  God, that annoys me.  What’s up with that?  Now I gotta buy a DVD to see the two minutes of cut footage?

Still, it’s a pretty solid movie.  And if you’ve just had your heart broken, you’re gonna love it because it delves into the pre, during and post relationship stuff.  Although I will say that as much as women get judged by their looks in movies, men always seem to get judged by the breadth of their ambition.  Unambitious guys are bad, so when Tom quits his job to pursue his dream that somehow makes him a better person.  Maybe.  Or maybe some people are happy where they’re at.  I don’t know, it just seems to ALWAYS be a factor in these sorts of relationship movies.  If the woman is actualizing her man into something better, than she’s not doing her job somehow.

Anyhow, analysis aside, it’s an interesting movie, different, nicely paced.  I give it 7 keggers out of 10.  But remembering my warning bros.  Unless of course, you WANT to break up with your girlfriend…

└ Tags: (500) Days of Summer, Frat Boy at the Movies
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Jul30

Who Should Eat a Dick

by tonyd on July 30, 2009 at 3:00 am

sf-chris-avatar.jpg with Chris Moreno

Every Thursday, Chris Moreno lists individuals whose behaviors have been so deplorable that they should eat a dick.

—  The Florida woman who was put on probation for illegally injecting women with silicone deserves a hot beef injection… in her face.

— A Florida two-fer!  Dr. Wesley Meyers, the dentist being sued for dropping tools down an elderly patient’s throat—twice—an act that supposedly led to the man’s death– should have a couple dicks dropped down his throat, rinse, and spit.

— Antonion Fernandez, the California carjacker who impersonated a policeman and accidentally pulled over a real undercover cop, should eat a dick disguised as a hot dog.   

 — Glenn Beck, for saying President Obama is a racist with “a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture”, should eat “ebony and ivory”, a black dick and a white dick, together in perfect harmony.

 — And finally, a “Who Should Eat a Dick” first, ladies and gents—the first time I have asked someone to not eat a dick.  In the U.K., Shaun Skarnes agreed to murder his “furry” lover, Christopher Monks’, parents, and, in lieu of payment, bite off his co-conspirator’s dick.  Yeah, you read correctly.Now, for those of you who’ve been reading the column for a while, you understand when I suggest that someone “eat a dick”, it’s not to be taken seriously.  It’s not even a physical dick.  It’s a figurative dick—a phantom dick, if you will.  Mine is the Dick of Justice… located right above the Balls of Destiny, btw.  This story takes things to a whooooole ‘nother level.  Apparently this was a sexual fantasy of Monks’—to have his wang bitten off.  Call me naïve, but this appears to be a sexual fantasy you can only carry out once– unless you plan on riding to the emergency room with your crank in an igloo cooler every time you wanna enjoy a night of carnal ecstasy. But anyway, I can’t tell either of these guys to eat a dick.  What would that solve?  Nothing.  So I’m telling them, for the first time in this column’s history, that I hope they never, ever, eat a dick ever in their lives, forever.  Seriously, keep all the dicks in the world away from their mouths under all circumstances.   Think someone needs to eat a dick? Email suggestions to dicketer@gmail.com or post in the message board.

└ Tags: chris, crime, Dick, eat, funny, humor, Moreno, News, should, weird, who
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Jul29

Twitter in Focus: Lindsay Lohan

by tonyd on July 29, 2009 at 12:01 am

Hey bros, welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.   I was digging through the Twitter looking for a viable contestant.  Since we did a porn star last week, I thought I’d try to mix it up.  So I just clicked around and found gold!  Lindsay Lohan!  Now, we can’t expect her tweets to be as insane as Courtney Love’s, but something is clearly going on.  Let’s begin to analyze.

Right off the bat the picture of MJ.  What’s up with that?  Did she know him or is she just captilizing on the big news story.  Ironically, it’s celeb news like this that knocks her crazy stunts off the front page.  Maybe she’s grateful.  All right, all right, let’s do the tweets.

July 10th, 10:59pm: “I am pretty obsessed with Roisin Murphy :)”

This is the kind of music you like, eh?  Very sort of nightclub-ish, which is not surprising.   This music evokes dark, smokey rooms with floor lighting and plenty of booze.

July 11th, 12:48am: “i’m about to put a clip up that i am literally crying laughing about-crying because it’s creepy..laughing because it’s odd..but both funny @“

Okay, I looked at this clip.  Maybe they are trying to send a message to you.

July 11th, 12:51am: “the same time. My best friend in NYC sent it 2me. it’s really just, GENIUS..& f*c*i*g AMAZING@ the same time..WOW http://tinyurl.com/nve4oh”

You’re pretty thin, Lindsay.  Eat a donut or a burger for Chrissakes.

July 11th, 12:52am: “oh… and- who actually sat home and thought i’m even somewhat important enough to make a strange video of?? i do love massive attack though”

Here’s the question, is Lindsay obsessed with this video or just herself?  Oh, man the clip of that entertainment guy is so annoying.  What won’t these people cover?

July 11th, 3:35pm: “ http://twitpic.com/a0rlf – @jzelly My best friend since 12! :)”

Hot girls stick together.  Do you guys have some sort of secret club?  And if I join, will you mail one of yourselves to me once a month?

July 11th, 4:42pm: “with @allisonmelnick heading out to get some Lia Sophia!!!!!!!!”

Lia Sophia is jewelry, bros.  That’s it Lindsay, drown your sadness in bling.

July 11th, 11:47pm: “http://twitpic.com/a3667 – Melissa @ silver spoon smiles for the paparrazzi in front of Lauren Moshi painting”

Super.  Who cares?  What kind of paparrazzi would use that shot?  Can’t even see her face and it’s not embarrassing.

July 13th, 5:45pm: “Incubus tonight @ Hollywood Bowl- The duke’s spirit opening for them- be there or be square hehe”

Careful, I hear they sell marijuana at those things.

July 14th, 5:07pm: “My sister is AMAZING! A girl is being mean to her and said something vulgar- “you’re sister’s the celeb, not you, you dumb b!t*h”

OMG!  That is SO amazingly boring I don’t care.  Wait, how old is Lindsay now?  15?  16?  23?!  Jesus Christ.

July 14th, 5:08pm: “My sister responded with, “wow. you clearly need to seek help.” I LOVE YOU ALIANA be the bigger person. Name calling is mean. I miss you”

Yes, the Lohans are clearly qualified to point out who needs help.

July 15th, 6:59am: “being lied to after being my father’s daughter…. is miserable, especially when you’re finally back on track. miss u mommy thanks s********”

It’s amazing how incredibly tough your life is.  My God, the money, the fame—  Oh!  We really feel for you out here in foreclosure and unemployment land.

July 16th, 11:28pm: “I prefer Adam Lambert rather than glambert… A bit too negative. And @mattgiraud KILLED IT!!!! NICE WORK!!”

I am so out of the celebrity loop, I have to keep googling the names you’re dropping.  Aren’t you supposed to be acting or something?

July 17th, 12:18am: “http://twitpic.com/am4hr – She looks terrified! I am 2-being preached to by danny g – threw off my whole swagger this eve”

Oh, 20-something drama, how I have not missed you.  Would like to go through this transcript in 10 years with Lindsay and watch her go, “Oh, fuck.  Did I sound like that?”

July 27th, 5:54am: “i heart creme de pirouline chocolate hazelnut wafers”

Heart a box of them, cutie.  You need the calories.

July 27th, 5:56am: “TRUE BLOOD WAS SOOOOOOOO AMAZING THIS WEEKEND~! ahhhh more more more!”

I heard it was decent, but I’m just so sick of vampires.  I’m watching the Wire.  It’s awesome.

4 hours ago: “OMG i just met Mia Michaels byron&tracey’s salon when i was leaving!! amazing she is so brilliant! i fan’d out -hope i didn’t scare her!”

Well, you scared me a little.  Wait, gotta google.  Oh, HER.  Yeah and again, I can’t find the energy to care.  Celebrities fall from the trees in L.A.  Aren’t you a bigger star than her being in movies?  You should give her a break and put her in one of your new movies.  Help a sister out.

Okay, let’s rate Lindsay, Ms. Lohan if you’re nasty.  Surprisingly not crazy, so Insanity is only a 5.  Her Mustness does not impress me, as it is like hearing high school blather, so I give her another 5.  Style?  Well, she does have a definite style.  It is solid high school all the way.  I give it a 7.  If I didn’t hate high school, probably would’ve been higher.  That gives LL an overall average of 5.7.  Can’t say I’d recommend following her unless you’re some kind of celebrity junkie.

If you know someone we can feature here on TIF, send us an email.

└ Tags: Lindsay Lohan, Twitter in Focus
1 Comment
Jul25

Frat Boy At the Movies: I Love You, Beth Cooper

by tonyd on July 25, 2009 at 12:01 am

I didn’t expect much from this movie, but it surprised me.  Hayden Panettiere is not only smoking hot, but she brings personality to the screen.  Basic plot, it’s high school graduation and Denis Cooverman (played very well by Paul Rust), the Validictorian proclaims his love for the head cheerleader, Beth Cooper in the middle of his speech.  He also unloads some other worst kept secrets in the school.  Beth, embarrassed and intrigued, stops by Cooverman’s graduation party with his best friend (played Jack Carpenter, with a funny running gag about his sexuality) and her hot friends.  Beth’s jealous and steroid abusing boyfriend pursues and the chase is on.

Pros:  This movie stays relatively in the realm of reality.  The characters are realistic and have a history, probably because it’s based on a novel.  The story is also how Denis builds up the vision of Beth in his mind, only to meet the real Beth and have it shattered by her craziness.  But as the movie progresses, he gets to know the real person behind the cheerleader outfit.

Cons: None that I can think of really.  I guess if I really had to nitpick, some of the laughs are not all out belly laughs because there is a story here.  But so what?  Fuck it.  Forget I said anything.

Alan Ruck, AKA: Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, does a solid turn as Cooverman’s dad.  Nice to see him in movies again.   Larry Doyle’s screenplay and Chris Columbus’ direction compliment each other nicely.  Personally, not being much of a Harry Potter fan, this is a good alternative.

I give I Love You Beth Cooper 8 out of 10 keggers.  Hayden’s breasts get a 10.

└ Tags: Beth Cooper, Frat Boy at the Movies, I Love You
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