Super Frat

Hello bros and welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is Cesar Millan the dog whisperer. Let’s see if he can train a dog in under 140 characters.

April 30th, 9:00am: “Want to know how the Millans keep their house clean? Click here to read Rosalva’s best tips. http://ow.ly/1EXLh”

I assume you just clean it. Or better yet, she trains your dogs to do it! Brilliant!

April 30th, 12:00pm: “Yoga? Breathing exercises? What techniques do you use to remain calm and assertive?”

I use improv. It’s all about body language.

April 30th, 7:00pm; “An owner-fixated Wheaten Terrier, and an out-of-control aggressive Shar-pei – New Dog Whisperer ep tonight at 9PM ET/PT! http://ow.ly/1EXRe”

How do you get your tweets to come up at exactly on the hour? Are you using a program?

May 1st, 11:00am: “In this country, we often provide our dog with affection before discipline. Remember the formula: Exercise, Discipline, THEN Affection!”

That’s good advice. I just hope these are your actual tweets and not the show’s.

May 1st, 4:00pm: “The great dog adventure contest is closed, but it’s not too late to purchase your package! Click here: http://ow.ly/1EXTC”

Part of my vacation is to get away from my dog.

May 2nd, 3:00pm: “My grandfather’s most valuable advice: Never work against Mother Nature; always work WITH her!”

She’s right! That’s why I pre-flooded my basement during the last rainstorm.

May 3rd, 4:00pm: “New Puppy? Your New Dog: First Day and Beyond is an invaluable resource with lessons by example! http://ow.ly/1EXUT”

Why you’re just full of merchandise, aren’t ya?

May 5th, 4:01pm: “Be aware of your energy at all times. http://ow.ly/1EXVJ”

Ah, ha! You’re late!

May 6th, 4:00pm: “While romping around in the wilderness this spring, fleas and ticks can be a real danger. Check out our tips here: http://ow.ly/1yCih”

Yep. That’s why I don’t bring my dog on vacation.

May 7th, 4:00pm: “Take training in small steps. Do your research, use your best judgment, and know your dog! http://ow.ly/1EXXK”

Yeah, this is pretty much what I do with my Twitter. Relentlessly promote my websites.

May 8th, 4:00pm: “It’s natural for a dog to want to sleep in bed with you, but remember that you set the rules! It’s your bed!”

My dog loves to sleep in bed with us. She’s a tiny mutt, only five pounds, but it feels like she’s pushing me out of the bed.

May 10th, 9:04pm: “The May 9 Newsletter is here: Keeping Your Dog Young and Active! http://ow.ly/1JmR3”

You are four minutes late. Someone gave you affection before discipline!

May 11th, 12:00am: “Dogs live in the moment. They don’t think about the past or future. They can move on from unstable behavior quickly – if we let them.”

I know! My dog hasn’t made any progress on her doggie time machine.

May 11th, 4:00pm: “Not sure what to do with the hair that your dog sheds all over the house? Donate it to the oil spill relief effort! http://ow.ly/1JKpT”

Our dog is a Maltese so she doesn’t shed. Thankfully!

May 13th, 8:30pm: “Adoptathon was a success! 620 dog & cat adoptions – second highest number since 1999! Thanks to all who came out! http://ow.ly/1KSl3”

No wonder all the Chinese food places raised their prices.

May 13th, 10:00pm: “Cesar teams with the ultimate fear case – Scooby-Doo! Cesar and Scooby are thrilled to announce the Great Dog Adventure! http://ow.ly/1KSop”

Just try and train Scooby not to jump for a Scooby Snack. That I’d like to see.

May 14th, 6:18pm: “Tonight at 9pm on NatGeo – don’t miss Cesar’s Dog Whisperer special, How To Raise the Perfect Dog! http://ow.ly/1LjLj”

You mean, like some kind of super dog that will one day rules us as masters?

May 17th, 10:02pm: “May 16 Newsletter is here: National Dog Bite Prevention Week 2010! http://ow.ly/1MkZ9”

Remember everyone, take the bacon out of your pockets. It’s something I always forget.

May 18th, 5:12pm: “Shedding is a constant problem, but there are ways to make it more manageable. Click here to learn how. http://ow.ly/1MMtW”

Yeah, buy a Maltese!

Okay, let’s rate Cesar’s tweets. He gives good advice, so Insanity is a 4, Style is a 6 and his Mustness is 8 if you have a dog. That’s an overall score of 6. Not bad. I’m following him because I like the doggie tips. And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.