Jul18

Your Fratoscope: July 18, 2010

by tonyd on July 18, 2010 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: Forge closer bonds with the ones you love this week, say the stars. Besides, if you give them too much slack on those chains they might be able to get away.

Aries: Business relationships will be somewhat strained today. Don’t worry, this will pass. Your boss is just a prick.

Taurus: This week you will be the one millioneth person to tweet, “I like pancakes!” on Twitter. There is not prize as there is never a prize for being boring and conformist.

Gemini: Today brings you a kind of recognition of who you really are, so maybe you should hide out until your fraternity brothers forgive you for shitting in the bong.

Lemini: Stop whining about killing yourself and do it already. No one likes a quitter.

Cancer: That dry erase board finally comes clean with that new cleanser you bought. That’s easily the most exciting thing that happens to you this week.

Leo: The stars say you will wake up next to someone special. Well, someone in special classes anyway. Just remember to walk her back to the short bus.

Virgo: This week, while in a morning fog, you will attempt to write a phone number on some cold waffles, while microwaving your day planner. Fortunately, it wasn’t your turn to feed the baby.

Libra: Your dog pees on your favorite sneakers again. Turns out, it’s not the training you gave him. He just finds your reaction funny.

Scorpio: Your professor only gives you a C-, either you have to start studying or giving your professor better blowjobs.

Sagittarius: An old friend will surprise you with a visit this week. Try not to be masturbating when they arrive for a change.

Capricorn: Facebook asks you to delete your profile. You’re just bringing everyone else down, dude.

Aquarius: Jonah Hill stares at you through a window while you’re checking out at the supermarket. He chases you to your car, but you mace him and drive away. When you get home, you find a note on your windshield explaining that he accidentally bumped your car with his and wanted to pay for the damages.

Pisces: You will make the last joke about LeBron’s Decision to join the Miami Heat. Better late than never.

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Jul17

Frat Boy At the Movies: Inception

by tonyd on July 17, 2010 at 3:10 am

Inception is a complex and interesting movie that does some daring things and in some ways pushes the limits of the cinematic experience. But despite it’s complexity, it’s flaws are somewhere are in the parts where the movie gets “blockbluster-ified”. Let me explain. This will be long. (Not Quantum of Solace long, but long).

The premise of the movie is strong enough to stand on its own and explore. Technology exists to allow corporate spies to enter people’s dreams, unmasks their secrets and potentially plant ideas and change the way they think. This, in and of itself, is an intriguing idea that gets pushed to the fringes during the movie. Imagine if they crawled inside, say, Obama’s head and causes him to start World War 3 or end the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Very little of that concept is explored. That’s sort of the job of the main characters and it’s considered almost routine in some ways.

The main character is Leo DiCaprio’s character, Cobb. (spoiler alert) Much like his character from Shutter Island, he is tortured by the images of his dead wife. Only, in this movie, his dead wife appears as part of his subconscious sabotaging his gigs while running around in people’s dreams.

The plot of the movie is that DiCaprio and his team are hired to create “Inception”. To plant an idea in a future CEO’s head that he will sell his conglomeration of companies so that another company can prosper. (Basically.) If not, the conglomerate will control all the world’s energy concerns.

So DiCaprio’s guys have already invaded dreams and they have even done a dream within a dream. But they’ve never done it three times. The theory goes, if they go one more step in, they should be able to achieve Inception. That’s kinda of cool, but the movies only partly about that. It spends more of its focus on Leo’s problems, him missing his dead wife and his live kids.

Ellen Page, who is excellent in the movie, plays the newbie “architect” to the team. There’s a few moments of her manipulating the dream world, but despite the trailer, you don’t see much of that. The trailer would have you believe that it’s a little closer to the Matrix in that you imagine it and it happens. You need a gun and you just pull it out of a wall or something. Sadly, that’s not the case either and the lack of structure about the “rules” of doing that are a shortfall of the film. Confused yet?

The good part of this movie is that it’s two and a half hours and it doesn’t feel that long. Director Christopher Nolan is the king of pacing. His use of camera shots and special effects are incredibly nuanced. There’s some mind blowing sequences as you are watching the characters simultaneously existing in four different dreams at the same time. You go to the bathroom during the last reel and you might as well get in the car and go home!

Okay, as I’ve said (spoiler again) there are three (and then four) dream levels the characters invade. The first two are very subtle, but the third one seems oddly out of place and just an excuse to include lots of machine guns, equipment and henchmen. It seems to me that if Nolan had opted for a more subtle ending focusing with the characters than an orgy of action scenes just to keep the tension going, they’d be polishing an Oscar for him right now.

Instead, you get a bunch of breathless scenes and then instead of the movie really being about the target whose dreams they’ve invaded, it’s about DiCaprio and his dead wife. It works and it’s a good movie, but I think there was a great movie in there that got run over by a snow tank with guys riding on it with machine guns.

Regular readers of this column know I am no violence prude. The story in Inception seemed to me to be about ideas and how they impact the people. Sure, good stories are always about people, but then I’ve already seen Shutter Island, The Matrix, The 13th Floor and all the other movies this one seems to borrow from.

So should you see Inception? Yeah. It’s definitely something that plays well on a big screen. Will you be satisfied with it? Maybe. Some people left confused, not sure if they should like the movie or not. I give it 7 out of 10 keggers, but I’m actually still kind of digesting it. It’s a bit dense and a challenge to watch. If you’re looking for a blockbuster that’s a challenge, then yeah, you’ll like. If not, they you should probably just wait for the Expendables.

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Jul16

Frat Boy At the Movies: Dispicable Me

by tonyd on July 16, 2010 at 12:01 am

Not a bad little cartoon about a supervillain who adopts three lovable orphans as part of a plot to get inside his rival’s lair. But when he unexpectedly begins to love the orphans, his life changes for the better.

Leaving aside the ridiculousness of the premise, the execution is pretty flawless and the performances right on the money. Steve Carell has a great accent as Gru, the evil, but then lovable villain. The impossibly cute minions are also everywhere.

Look, if you’re going to over think it, you won’t enjoy it. Sure it’s mindless fluff, but it’s quality mindless fluff. Think of it as a PG-rated version of Lex Luthor.

There are some pretty funny sequences. It does get a little mushy at the end, but the creators keep it within the context of the world they’ve created. There is already rumblings about a sequel in the works. I give Dispicable Me a very solid 7 out of 10 keggers. It’s worth seeing at the movies and would be a totally solid rental.

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Jul14

Twitter in Focus: Joan Rivers

by tonyd on July 14, 2010 at 12:01 am

With Joan’s online fight with Lindsay Lohan, you know it’s time for a Twitter in Focus with Joan Rivers. Oh, yeah, this is where media comes to die. Can we tweet?

July 9th, 1:22pm: “@joanriversmovie “A Piece of Work” opens today in Baltimore, Memphis, New Orleans, St. Petersburg, Richmond, Santa Fe and Seal Beach, CA!”

Well, no wonder she’s Tweeting. No Philly?! Dammit!

July 9th, 1:56pm: “Tell me where you’re going to see @joanriversmovie this weekend!”

Apparently on that website that bootlegs movies ten seconds after they’re in theaters.

July 9th, 1:57pm: “Lindsay Lohan said she wouldn’t mind being under oath because she thought Oath was a Norwegian ski instructor.”

Ba-dum-dum! Lindsay Lohan said she’d take the fifth, but only if all five guys wore condoms! Ba-dum-dum! Keesh!

July 9th, 2:38pm: “Lindsay Lohan is so dumb. Her idea of being sworn in is cursing at the judge.”

Lindsay is so stupid, when the judge asked to hear her plea, she said, “I wish I had gotten drunk before I came to court!” Ba-dum-dum! Keesh!

July 9th, 2:44pm: “I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 Proof.”

Wait a minute, that’s just her driving instruction book repackaged!

July 9th, 5:14pm: “Lindsay Lohan had “Fuck You” painted on her nails. What people don’t know is that the judge had “Eat me you party skank,” painted on hers.”

Meow, Joan. Meow.

July 11th, 1:03pm: “I hope everyone’s having a great weekend! I’m in Los Angeles with Melissa and Cooper having a ball spending time with them!”

Hmmm. I don’t get it.

July 12th, 10:54am: “Of course Russia still spies on us. When I was there, I felt I was being spied on–especially when the painting in my hotel room coughed.”

Later it vomited when you took off your clothes to change for dinner! Whooooa! Ba-dum-dum!

July 12th, 11:33am: “Here’s my dear friend John Pascarella (AKA Gossip Boy) and me after my Beechman show last week! http://twitpic.com/24oxv2”

Hold on Pascarella, with loafers as light as yours you’re likely to shoot off into the stratosphere if you let go. Ba-dum-dum!

July 12th, 11:46am: “ATTENTION SHREVEPORT, LOUISIANA! I’m performing at the Diamondjacks Casino this Saturday, July 17th at 8pm! Call 877-465-3711 for tickets!”

Yeah, walker on by after you’re finished eating at the Old Country Buffet. I’m not saying Joan’s audience is old, but the last time she played Louisiana, she offered a discount to Confederate soldiers. Ba-dum-dum!

July 12th, 2:30pm: “Hey, Bossier City, Louisiana! I’m performing at the Diamondjacks Casino this Saturday, July 17th at 8pm! Call 877-465-3711 for tickets!”

I’m not saying Joan is old, but the last time she performed in a city, God struck it from the Earth and turned a young audience member into a pillar of salt. Ba-dum-dum!

July 12th, 4:34pm: “I read that BP has the world’s most dangerous platforms — if you don’t count Lady Gaga’s shoe collection.”

I’m not saying BP is dangerous, but not even Lindsay Lohan will let that company drill her now! Oh, callback! Ba-dum-dum!

July 12th, 4:54pm: “Thanks for the nice words!!! RT @michaelausiello Finally saw Joan Rivers doc. Moving, funny, inspiring—more than lived up to the hype.”

I’m not saying Joan is inspiring, but Lady Di actually came back to life to tell Joan how much she missed her hosting the Tonight Show. Ba-dum-dum!

9 hours ago: “Everyone’s still surprised Russia was spying on the US. In Russia, when you sit and talk to the walls, they answer.”

I’m not saying the Russians are spying on us, but bottles of Smirnoff are now coming with their own webcams.

7 hours ago: “This Saturday Night!! Bossier City, Louisiana, I’m performing at the Diamondjacks Casino at 8pm! Call 877-465-3711 for tickets!”

I’m not saying Joan is old, but the last time she did a show like this, her audience was still trying to learn to breathe on dry land. Ba-dum-dum!

4 hours: “Congratulations to Larry Thompson for acquiring the movie rights to Kitty Kelley’s unauthorized biography of Oprah Winfrey!!!”

And we care because?

4 hours ago: “Rumor has it they’re talking to Gabourey Sidibe, the star of “Precious!” She would play both Oprah and Gayle.”

Ah, the set up and punchline. Can’t do that one in a 140 characters.

Okay, let’s rate Joan’s tweets. I got to hand it to her, she’s putting some effort in to them. Not bad. For Mustness, I give her an 8, it’s fun. For Insanity I give her 7 and for Style, definitely a 9. That’s an 8 overall. Definitely follow her.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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