Jul23

Frat Boy At the Movies: Winter’s Bone

by tonyd on July 23, 2010 at 12:01 am

Winter’s Bone is an arthouse movie. It’s subjects are extremely poor, which I find ironic because movies are usually made by people with money. That being said, it’s the sort of film that doesn’t talk down to its subjects.

The basic plot is Ree, the 17 year-old hero, is taking care of her younger brother and sister. Her mother has gone off her nut and is mostly catatonic. Her father is missing. After he puts up their house and land for his bond, this becomes a huge issue. Ree and the others will lose the house if the father doesn’t show up for court.

What follows is a drama following Ree trying to take on even more responsibility than a 17 year-old should have. On some levels, it’s kind of depressing and bleak. I half expected everyone to die horribly at the end.

Ree’s trials and tribulations don’t get over dramatic and it doesn’t turn into an action flick at the end. (I probably would’ve enjoyed that.) Overall, it’s not bad. I wouldn’t put it on the top of my list, but I don’t feel I wasted my money. Jennifer Lawrence, who plays Ree, gives a pretty amazing performance and the movie is mostly worth it because of her.

I give Winter’s Bone 6.5 keggers out of ten. It’s a good rental if you’re up for that kind of movie and not a bad night out if you’re looking for an arthouse flick that won’t bore you. Get some culture, you heathen and go see it.

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Jul21

Twitter in Focus: Lindsay Lohan

by tonyd on July 21, 2010 at 12:01 am

Hey, bros! Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. This week’s contestant is the flipside of the argument from last week, Lindsay Lohan. This TIF is a long time in coming. Let’s face it, her tweets have the potential to be a blockbuster of hilarity like Courtney Love. Will she be crazier? Funnier? Smarter? Less coherent? Let’s find out.

July 7th, 7:09pm: “It is clearly stated in Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights that….”

No, no. You’re not going to…

July 7th, 7:09pm: “, “No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.””

…compare yourself…

July 7th, 7:12pm: “this was taken from an article by Erik Luna.. “November 1 marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines. But there were no”

…to people who…

July 7th, 7:13pm: “celebrations, parades, or other festivities in honor of this punishment scheme created by Congress and the U.S. Sentencing Commission….””

…get real jail time?

July 7th, 7:13pm; “Instead, the day passed like most others during the last 15 years:Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted””

It’s amazing how people suddenly become human rights lawyers when faced with jail time.

July 7th, 7:13pm: “system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules.””

You’re a little late on the “concern train”, LL. I mean, c’mon, the US is TORTURING PEOPLE. Innocent people, I might add. And while I agree we have some draconian laws in this country that try to legislate morality. The time to get upset about them is before you end up in court. Still, you are too hot to go to jail. Maybe they should build a hot jail and install webcams. Cut your sentence down to days as long as we can all watch. It would be like community service only sexier.

July 7th, 7:15pm: “http://tinyurl.com/29kxdyf — please RT”

Yeah, that sucks. But I can’t help but feel that you are making a comparison here. It’s not the same, LL. You got money, wealth, fame and ergo, choices even if you don’t “feel” that you do.

July 8th, 11:21pm: “I love my mother… she is amazing and strong* she’s all i could ask for and more, by taking on the role of my mother and father all my life”

That’s nice.

July 10th, 6:02am: “RT @samantharonson: Hey Joan Rivers- you have collagen older than Lindsay, pick on someone your own age, oh (cont) http://tl.gd/2dtt75”

Ba dum-dum! Joan Rivers is so old, her first STD was a trilobite fungus! Ba dum-dum!

July 12th, 9:46am: “Crazy!! Just saw someone win a Gucci bag on FashionBay for like a buck and change!! WOW! http://bit.ly/9oak6G Ad”

Really? Man, vodka can really erase a lot can’t it?

July 13th, 2:48pm: “Joan Rivers and her “stargument” make me believe that she and Michael Lohan are a match made in heaven….”

Ba dum— Ah, no.

July 13th, 2:48pm: “…all he needs is her botox doctor. “Dr.” Drew- any ideas? Botox rehab reality show?”

A word of advice: When you get to the prison yard, don’t tell jokes.

July 13th, 2:51pm: “in the words of 50 cent.. “You shouldn’t throw stones if you live in a glass house and if you got a glass jaw, you should watch yo mouth””

50 cents quotes, I WOULD remember for jail.

July 13th, 3:02pm: “the beach is gorgeous today”

Hey, wait until you see the prison’s beach. It’s amazing!

July 14th, 10:30pm: “This site has fantastic deals on home decor and gifts. Up to 70% off… Join now and RT >> http://lx.im/5Ld3 (Ad)”

Yeah, I’ll bet you can find some neat stuff to decorate your cell with.

July 15th, 3:57pm: ”
Today Norton and I warned people about unsafe searches, don’t be fooled! – (cont) http://tl.gd/2hj1u6″

Oh, you mean that Nigerian prince isn’t going to send me 30 mill? God dammit!

July 16th, 4:18pm: “If you haven’t checked out FashionBay yet, you gotta do it!! It’s super awesome!! http://bit.ly/ahZ3FE Ad”

Guess all that political prisoner stuff is over, huh?

July 16th, 6:15pm: “thank you @thebritishladyv from lindsay lohan’s team for being a part of working w/children in need today #makeadifference”

OMG! Have those kids seen the deals on FashionBay yet?

July 18th, 10:48pm: “I don’t want Michael Lohan Sr. anywhere near me, no matter where I am. I am in a great place and he only brings negativity in my world.”

Okay, I’m just spit balling here, but there’s this show called Intervention. I think it would do you good to go on. All I ask is for 1% of the gross profits from that episode. C’mon, that’s fair.

July 19th, 10:29am: “Ok, last thing I want to say about FashionBay. Best, Site, Ever! http://bit.ly/9oak6G Ad”

Countdown to jail, LL. And Louis Vuitton don’t make orange jumpsuits.

20 hours ago: “the only “bookings” that i’m familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i’d be “booking” into Jail… eeeks”

Ha! Hahahaha! Now THAT is a funny joke to tell your new cellmate…if you want to be beaten with a bar of soap in a sock for ten minutes. What the Hell is wrong with you? You’re going to jail!

Okay, let’s rate Lindsay. For Style, I give her a 6. You just try too hard, LL. For Mustness, will right now it’s a 0, in 90 days it’s going to be 10, but I think it will probably settle out to an average of 8. And finally, Insanity. Oh, yes 10. That’s an overall score of 8, but because you’re hot LL, I’m bumping it up to 9. See you in October!

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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Jul18

Your Fratoscope: July 18, 2010

by tonyd on July 18, 2010 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: Forge closer bonds with the ones you love this week, say the stars. Besides, if you give them too much slack on those chains they might be able to get away.

Aries: Business relationships will be somewhat strained today. Don’t worry, this will pass. Your boss is just a prick.

Taurus: This week you will be the one millioneth person to tweet, “I like pancakes!” on Twitter. There is not prize as there is never a prize for being boring and conformist.

Gemini: Today brings you a kind of recognition of who you really are, so maybe you should hide out until your fraternity brothers forgive you for shitting in the bong.

Lemini: Stop whining about killing yourself and do it already. No one likes a quitter.

Cancer: That dry erase board finally comes clean with that new cleanser you bought. That’s easily the most exciting thing that happens to you this week.

Leo: The stars say you will wake up next to someone special. Well, someone in special classes anyway. Just remember to walk her back to the short bus.

Virgo: This week, while in a morning fog, you will attempt to write a phone number on some cold waffles, while microwaving your day planner. Fortunately, it wasn’t your turn to feed the baby.

Libra: Your dog pees on your favorite sneakers again. Turns out, it’s not the training you gave him. He just finds your reaction funny.

Scorpio: Your professor only gives you a C-, either you have to start studying or giving your professor better blowjobs.

Sagittarius: An old friend will surprise you with a visit this week. Try not to be masturbating when they arrive for a change.

Capricorn: Facebook asks you to delete your profile. You’re just bringing everyone else down, dude.

Aquarius: Jonah Hill stares at you through a window while you’re checking out at the supermarket. He chases you to your car, but you mace him and drive away. When you get home, you find a note on your windshield explaining that he accidentally bumped your car with his and wanted to pay for the damages.

Pisces: You will make the last joke about LeBron’s Decision to join the Miami Heat. Better late than never.

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Jul17

Frat Boy At the Movies: Inception

by tonyd on July 17, 2010 at 3:10 am

Inception is a complex and interesting movie that does some daring things and in some ways pushes the limits of the cinematic experience. But despite it’s complexity, it’s flaws are somewhere are in the parts where the movie gets “blockbluster-ified”. Let me explain. This will be long. (Not Quantum of Solace long, but long).

The premise of the movie is strong enough to stand on its own and explore. Technology exists to allow corporate spies to enter people’s dreams, unmasks their secrets and potentially plant ideas and change the way they think. This, in and of itself, is an intriguing idea that gets pushed to the fringes during the movie. Imagine if they crawled inside, say, Obama’s head and causes him to start World War 3 or end the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Very little of that concept is explored. That’s sort of the job of the main characters and it’s considered almost routine in some ways.

The main character is Leo DiCaprio’s character, Cobb. (spoiler alert) Much like his character from Shutter Island, he is tortured by the images of his dead wife. Only, in this movie, his dead wife appears as part of his subconscious sabotaging his gigs while running around in people’s dreams.

The plot of the movie is that DiCaprio and his team are hired to create “Inception”. To plant an idea in a future CEO’s head that he will sell his conglomeration of companies so that another company can prosper. (Basically.) If not, the conglomerate will control all the world’s energy concerns.

So DiCaprio’s guys have already invaded dreams and they have even done a dream within a dream. But they’ve never done it three times. The theory goes, if they go one more step in, they should be able to achieve Inception. That’s kinda of cool, but the movies only partly about that. It spends more of its focus on Leo’s problems, him missing his dead wife and his live kids.

Ellen Page, who is excellent in the movie, plays the newbie “architect” to the team. There’s a few moments of her manipulating the dream world, but despite the trailer, you don’t see much of that. The trailer would have you believe that it’s a little closer to the Matrix in that you imagine it and it happens. You need a gun and you just pull it out of a wall or something. Sadly, that’s not the case either and the lack of structure about the “rules” of doing that are a shortfall of the film. Confused yet?

The good part of this movie is that it’s two and a half hours and it doesn’t feel that long. Director Christopher Nolan is the king of pacing. His use of camera shots and special effects are incredibly nuanced. There’s some mind blowing sequences as you are watching the characters simultaneously existing in four different dreams at the same time. You go to the bathroom during the last reel and you might as well get in the car and go home!

Okay, as I’ve said (spoiler again) there are three (and then four) dream levels the characters invade. The first two are very subtle, but the third one seems oddly out of place and just an excuse to include lots of machine guns, equipment and henchmen. It seems to me that if Nolan had opted for a more subtle ending focusing with the characters than an orgy of action scenes just to keep the tension going, they’d be polishing an Oscar for him right now.

Instead, you get a bunch of breathless scenes and then instead of the movie really being about the target whose dreams they’ve invaded, it’s about DiCaprio and his dead wife. It works and it’s a good movie, but I think there was a great movie in there that got run over by a snow tank with guys riding on it with machine guns.

Regular readers of this column know I am no violence prude. The story in Inception seemed to me to be about ideas and how they impact the people. Sure, good stories are always about people, but then I’ve already seen Shutter Island, The Matrix, The 13th Floor and all the other movies this one seems to borrow from.

So should you see Inception? Yeah. It’s definitely something that plays well on a big screen. Will you be satisfied with it? Maybe. Some people left confused, not sure if they should like the movie or not. I give it 7 out of 10 keggers, but I’m actually still kind of digesting it. It’s a bit dense and a challenge to watch. If you’re looking for a blockbuster that’s a challenge, then yeah, you’ll like. If not, they you should probably just wait for the Expendables.

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