Jul12

Twitter in Focus: Ryan Stiles

by tonyd on July 12, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is improvnik, Ryan Stiles of Whose Line Is It Anyway?  Let’s see what he’s spontaneously tweeting!

@WhoseRyanStiles

July 8th:  “To all those coming to my show tonight, I will not be able to make it. My daughter will be filling in for me.”

Just like Trump!

July 9th:  “It’s Smoke on the water, a fire in the sky. Not: Slow motion Walter, the fire engine guy.”

Great.  Now I have to get a new tombstone.

July 9th:  “If the cats laying in my chair, I’m crapping in her litter box. Meow Motherfucker.”

Well, it’s only fair.

July 9th:  “Hey. Lets bombard Michael J. Fox with love today. Just for the hell of it. Twitter good. Not evil.”

Let’s really freak him out and pretend our tweets are from 1985!

July 10th:  “New Whose Line tonight. This might be the episode where Colin doesn’t lick someone. Fingers crossed.”

Cover your face with Cayenne Pepper, problem solved!

Okay, let’s rate Ryan’s tweets.  Tons of retweets.  (He’s friends with Ron Perlman.  Why not appearance on Sons of Anarchy as the lanky biker, Ryan?)  I give Ryan an 8 for Mustness, a 9 for Style and a 9 for Insanity.  That’s an overall rating of 8.6.  I’m gonna round it up to 9 because…improv!

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Jul10

Your Fratoscope: July 10, 2017

by tonyd on July 10, 2017 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  The stars say, pulling a fire alarm doesn’t count as a surprise birthday party.

Aries:  You will discover that using your toe nail file to clean carrots make them taste funny.

Taurus:  You’ll eat an entire cake, which sounds found and totally is.

Gemini:  This week, you’ll eat a cheese sandwich you found in a cab.

Lemini:  You’ll knock over Stonehenge, but you’ll be able to blame it on some kid in a wheelchair, so you’ll be fine.

Cancer:  You’ll misplace your box of grenades at the nursery school.  That place is a mess.

Leo:  Get a suit, you’re going to need it for your new job as a coffin tester.

Virgo:  You’ll attend a very confusing funeral for a relative and get a partial refund.

Libra:  There will be a mix up at the funeral parlor and you’ll accidentally bury a coffin tester.

Scorpio:  You will rub against your financial consultant, but it won’t get you better financial advice.

Sagittarius:  The escort service tells you for the fifth time that they don’t have the kind of livestock you’re looking for.

Capricorn:  You’ll realize your dream and walk on the moon, but it’s made of cheese and it’s attracted a record number of ants.

Aquarius:  You’ll get the feeling you’re being watched while installing those cameras in the women’s public restroom.

Pisces:  You’ll pee your pants in the rain, so no one will notice.  That same strategy won’t work walking through the mud though.

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Jul09

Frat Boy at the Movies: Spiderman: Homecoming

by tonyd on July 9, 2017 at 12:31 am

Look for Your Fratoscope on Monday this week, I’m pressed for time and just got back from the movies.

I gotta tell you, Spiderman: Homecoming was a lot of fun.  Maybe it was because I really wanted to like it, maybe it’s because I was kinda feeling bummed out recently, but the movie really lifted my spirits.  It hit all the right comic book notes, paying homage to the comics and the Marvel movies without making me wish I had waited for Netflix.

In this incarnation, Spiderman is 15, still in high school.  He’s a guy from Queens going to a science-y high school.  This paid homage to the Peter Parker scientist angle from the comic.  Marvel’s relentless drive for diversity was integrated well by the screenwriters, who didn’t let ethnicity define the characters.  The stand out, however, is Michael Keaton.

Keaton’s take on the Vulture is multi-layered, creating a guy that could easily come back.  His motivations were not forced and his criminal moves all made sense.  Tom Holland’s Peter Parker is nerdy without being a stereotype, although Flash Thompson kinda gets shorted.  Then again, Flash wasn’t exactly the greatest character from the comic book anyway.  Marvel character cameos abound, but my favorite cameo is from actor, Donald Glover.  He has one of the funniest throwaway lines in the movie during a gun buy gone bad.

Robert Downey Jr., of course, kills it as a supporting player.  He’s integral to the plot without overwhelming it too much.  It comes just a hair breath’s away from “The Spiderman/Iron Mean Team Up Movie”.  But still, as his role as Peter’s mentor, it makes sense in the confines of the movie continuity.

So thank you Sony and screenwriters Jonathan Goldstein, John Francis Daley, Jon Watts (the director too), Christopher Ford, Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers.  Nice work guys.

I give Spiderman: Homecoming 9.5 keggers.

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Jul08

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Steak Salad

by tonyd on July 8, 2017 at 12:01 am

Ingredients:  Leftover cooked steak, Romaine lettuce, red onion, celery, pepper, blue cheese dressing, bong, half a swag of blue kush, 3 rum and cokes, 8 beers.

Step 1:  Break with girlfriend for umpteenth time after getting high before meeting her parents.

Step 2:  Go to nearest bar, drink three rum and cokes.

Step 3:  Realize these drinks are too expensive, switch to beer.

Step 4:  Drink eight beers, call Uber.

Step 5:  Take Uber home, realize you’re starving.

Step 6:  Go through parents’ fridge, find leftover steak.

Step 7:  Cut up steak, salad, red onion and celery, place in bowl.

Step 8:  Cover with pepper and blue cheese dressing.

Step 9:  Eat on leather couch and pass out.

Step 10:  Wake up next morning and realize bowl you used was colander.

Step 11:  Listen to mother scream at you while you clean expensive leather couch.

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