Your Fratoscope: July 7, 2019
on July 7, 2019 at 3:18 am
If your birthday is this week: You’ll drop your phone in an embarrassing place during your birthday party, but the doctors remove with hardly any scars to your butt.
Aries: You will be beset upon by a group of angry crickets.
Taurus: The stars say, never underestimate someone willing to sit through numerous farts during a meeting.
Gemini: Your week gets interesting when someone replaces your conditioner with ranch dressing.
Lemini: Your Tinder date refuses to give you directions to the restaurant until you let them out of the trunk.
Cancer: You’ll accidentally staple two different parts of your body together…again.
Leo: Your action figures come to life and lecture you for buying them.
Virgo: Your achieve negative hits on your YouTube channel.
Libra: This week, you’ll help several immigrants cross the border into Canada, where they will be given free healthcare and Maple Syrup.
Scorpio: You will be filled with an unbridled lust for cream puffs.
Sagittarius: Filling your pool with macaroni salad is cool and refreshing, until the flies come.
Capricorn: Your cat will make some pretty risky stock maneuvers.
Aquarius: For God’s sake, stop complaining about Game of Thrones!
Pisces: The book that you co-wrote in about a week gets published on Amazon and you brazenly use your horoscope to advertise it.
