It’s been a while.  Mostly because, who goes to movies anymore?  Push a couple of buttons and you watch it in your living room in your underwear with a fridge nearby and the ability to turn up the volume, pause and rewind.  Seriously, unless those new comfortable seats come with a handjob, I’m not sure how you’re going to keep theaters open.  And here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies Winter 2016 Edition.

Shut In:  Talk about a title that will remind you not to go to the movies.  Just what I want to do after I get out of my house, see a movie about someone cooped up in their house.  Pass.

Fantastic Beasts And Where to Find Them:  AKA:  Harry Potter IX.  Guess if you like that stuff.  Sounds more like a video game to me.

Bad Santa 2:  Really?  Are we supposed to cheer a man’s re-descent into alcoholism?  Plus didn’t the elf character die or go to prison?  Sounds like someone needs a check.

The Bye Bye Man:  Generic monster movie number 2519?  Nah.

Rogue One:  A Star Wars Story:  All right, how many of these are we going to see now?  I feel like the best three are still the first three.  It’s not like the Marvel movies, which have basically all been really solid.  I just can’t get back into this.  I’m out.

Collateral Beauty:  A movie about letter writing starring Will Smith?  Are you trying to keep me from going to the theater?  If so, Mission Accomplished.

Assassin’s Creed:  Why don’t I just rent the Mario Brothers Movie instead?  Are you kidding?

Patriots Day:  All about the events around the Boston Marathon bombing?  Uh, no.  Too soon and I would bet big money the producers don’t have the emotional distance not to make some sappy, jingoistic, feel-gooder.  I mean, it’s called Patriots Day.

Boo!  A Madea Halloween:  But how will I know what’s going on without seeing all the previous Madea movies?

Ouija:  The Origin of Evil:  This movie looks like a parody of horror movies.  Like a movie you’d see clips of in another movie.

Keeping Up With the Joneses:  Didn’t they make this movie?  I mean, like ten times, recently?  Why would I pay money for this?

Inferno:  Might as well have made another National Treasure.  C’mon.  Seriously?

Okay, I’m going back to Netflix.  I’m just glad I saved myself $144.