Restaurant:  Village Grille in the Williamstown Farmers’ Market

Address:  Williamstown, NJ

Food:  Amish Diner

Price:  Below Average

Portions:  A little small

Taste:  Really good

Service:  Below Average

Atmosphere:  Small and crowded

So the Amish have this farmers’ market off of 42 in Williamstown.  In the past, it was an alternative from going all the way into Philly for the glorious Amish breakfast in the Reading Terminal.  It’s normally not that busy, but word has gotten out about this place.  Wholesome food stores, farm fresh eggs, produce—  All kinds of Amish made stuff.  The Missus and I would sometimes go to the Village Grille (the diner inside there) for an Amish breakfast.

This time, it was a disaster.  Let’s be clear, the food is still good.  It’s fresh and well-prepared.  It comes out pretty fast and the Amish are a pretty polite bunch.  But here’s where it all goes off the rails:

We arrived around noonish.  At the height of the lunch rush, we didn’t mind waiting for a table.  I was a bit punchy.  Normally, I’d be getting up at that hour.  Anyhow, the waitress brought us to the worst table in the room.  It was positioned in front of a booth and against the drink station.  Normally, I would’ve said, “No thanks” and the waitress did give us an out.  But I was tired and wasn’t really thinking, so I said, “Fine.”

Unfortunately, in the booth behind me, was a grandmother and her two grandkids.  A boy and a girl, maybe 5 and 6 respectively.  They were loud, as kids often are in public places, but the whole place was loud because it was packed and you’re literally in the middle of a mall, so…  But the kids started playing this game where they were blowing their napkins back and forth across the table.  Not a great idea, since kids are germy to begin with, but I thought what’s the harm?  It’s kids being kids and it’s not like this grandma is stupid enough to bring a sick kid out.

Wrong.  The boy starts coughing uncontrollably and the grandmother is like, “Take it easy, you have a cold, so-and-so.”  A cold?  Are you fucking nuts, lady?  You bring a kid with a cold into a crowded mall and then let him play “blow the napkin” across the table where the condiments and napkins sit?!  What an inconsiderate fuckwad.  Now, I know the Amish know how to clean, but it’s not like they’re gonna sterilize the booth when they get up.  I pity the next group of people that had to sit there in kids germs.  If you ever wonder how you got sick, you can blame idiot grandma who is apparently too lazy to make her sick grandson flapjacks at home.

I had to sit there, with my back to them, listen to this kid cough right behind me and try to enjoy a breakfast burrito.  It was a god damned nightmare for me from beginning to end.  I partly blame the diner for setting up that ridiculous table, although I share part of the blame.  Then slightly more than halfway through the meal I look up and see the cashier and hostess sitting at an empty booth!

I shouldn’t say empty.  It was more like they had commandeered it so they wouldn’t have to stand the whole time.  Well, fuck meThat’s where I should’ve been sitting.  Not in the middle of the god damned sick children’s ward!

I’m not going back to the Village Grille.  It’s gotten too popular and crowded for me to enjoy a meal there, no matter how good the food is.  And it’s pretty good, but I’d rather get up and go to Philly.  At least then I’d be in the Reading Terminal.  Amish, you really let me down.

The Village Grille in the Williamstown Farmers’ Market gets 2.5 out of 10 keggers.  The place needs a major expansion/remodel.  Don’t go, unless you can tune out annoying kids, who were at every other table, btw.  Kids don’t need a hardy breakfast at the Amish mart, people.  Take them to a clown-related fast food joint like a normal American.