Your Fratoscope: March 20, 2016
on March 20, 2016 at 1:03 pm
If your birthday is this week: You will receive presents of pudding. Gallons and gallons of it.
Aries: You will take an overdose of laughing gas, but fortunately watching the new Ghostbusters trailer calms you down.
Taurus: You’ll finally throw out your gift certificate to Blockbuster.
Gemini: You will learn how to throw credit cars with deadly accuracy, but this will only lead to leaving much bigger tips.
Lemini: The stars say, you will vomit on someone very famous.
Cancer: Big changes are coming this week, mostly because someone steals all of your clothes.
Leo: Listen to that little voice inside you, it’s the only way you’ll get that talking action figure out of your ass.
Virgo: You will commit a felony while riding on a log flume.
Libra: Your robot will gain sentience and then take your job.
Scorpio: Your genitals will get singed by at least two appliances this week.
Sagittarius: Don’t loan appliances to a Scorpio this week.
Capricorn: Don’t break up with that magician until they make your dog reappear.
Aquarius: You will drink an inordinate amount of Kool-Aid.
Pisces: You’ll play a record session of Fallout 4, forget to update your website and still not finish the game after three months.
