Your Fratoscope: November 1, 2015
on November 1, 2015 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: You will discover that your heart-shaped birthday cake is a leftover from Valentine’s Day 2013.
Aries: Yesterday, giving candy out was cool, today, out of your van, it’s just creepy.
Taurus: You will find true lust behind a gas station dumpster.
Gemini: The stars say, make your own way in life because that cult leader you follow is mentally ill.
Lemini: Scientists will offer you $50 if you allow them to study why you’re such a loser.
Cancer: The YouTube video of you handing out candy to kids on Halloween, will be taken down for too many swears.
Leo: The TSA guy that feels you up, turns out to be a guy in costume from the previous day.
Virgo: You will host a night of trivia about MacGyver that ends in a fistfight.
Libra: This week, the tables will turn and now you’ll be the only person in class with pants on.
Scorpio: Someone will borrow your nipple clamps and return them unwashed.
Sagittarius: Your prank fires aren’t really pranks if you take money to set them.
Capricorn: The ghost of Patrick Swayze will insist you don’t know how to cook wings the proper way.
Aquarius: You will know your lamb is undercooked when it gets up and runs away.
Pisces: The stars say, leave some room for desert because you enjoy an arid climate and don’t know how to spell desert.
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