Fall is a time when the leaves change and so do the movies.  Do they change for the better?  Well, I doubt it.  It’s all the stuff not good enough to be released during the summer.  Thank God for Netflix because here’s Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.

The Guest:  AKA:  The Thing That Wouldn’t Leave, only scarier and handsomer.  Pass.

Tusk:  Kevin Smith is attempting to master horror?  Seems like when you announce it’s a movie about a guy that’s slowly turned into a walrus, it’s sort of like saying Saw is a movie where a bunch of people are going to be killed with puzzles.  Isn’t he point of horror adding some surprise and suspense?

Stop the Pounding Heart:  Blah, blah, blah, romance, blah, blah, blah.  No.

Dracula Untold:  This should probably called “Dracula Retold Again.”  No.

The Book of Life:  Another cartoon not by Pixar.  Pass.

The Town That Dreaded Sundown:  I am so god damned bored of serial killers.  They’re so rare in real life.  Please filmmakers, anything new!

Ouija:  Your movie specifically made for Halloween, Parker Brothers and teenagers is here.  No thanks.

Foxcatcher:  AKA: Steve Carell wants an Oscar.

Hunger Games, Something Something:  Talk about stretching what should essentially be a Twilight Zone episode to the brink.  We get it, she starts a revolution and saves the day.  Start the fucking thing already.  Christ, I can’t wait until this is over.

The Imitation Game:  AKA:  Benedict Cumberbatch wants an Oscare too.  Ya know, with so many WW2 movies, it’s like every second of that war has been made into a movie.

Penguins of Madagascar:  C’mon, seriously?  No, I’m done.  I just can’t even—  Forget it.  No.  I’m going back to watching Trailer Park Boys reruns.

Bonus TV rant!

Gotham:  Hey everyone!  It’s a Batman TV show with a twist!  You don’t get to see Batman!  Wow!  Oh, boy!  I can’t hardly wait!  Maybe they’ll make a James Bond movie without James Bond!  Or a Spiderman TV show without Spiderman!  What a twist!