Our pledgemaster may not have a degree from a “traditional” college yet.  But he does have a degree from the streets, which is usually where he ends up passed out.  Brace yourself, you pledgemaster speaks!

Anthony Weiner:  Fratty

This was a tough call.  While it’s not particularly fratty to email dick pics, it is fratty to do it, get caught and not quit running from mayor.  What balls!…so to speak.

Cannibal Lobsters:  Kinda Fratty

Apparently climate changing is messing up the lobsters so bad they’re eating each other.  Lobster stuffed with lobster?  Sign me up.

Edward Snowden’s dad:  Totally Fratty

This guy is almost as badass as his son.  Most people get intimidated when they’re on TV, not the Snowden patriarch.

The NSA:  Not Fratty

Am I the only one with an embarrassing history of emailing and posting in message boards drunk?   I do not need that shit haunting me!

Pepperidge Farm Goldfish:  Fratty

Not too salty, not to cheesy.

Test tube hamburger:  Not Fratty

If it was grown in a Petri dish, it does not belong on my plate.

Sam Simon:  Absolutely Fratty

If you haven’t heard, one of the Simpsons producers, Sam Simon, has terminal cancer.  Without any family, he’s donating his vast fortune to charity.  Can’t think of anything more fratty than that.