Yeah, I went through my strip club phase.  I sort of miss them.  But mostly, I miss all the money I spent.  And the boobies.  But here’s Ten Things You’ll Never See in a Strip Club.

1.  A G-string that will hold change.

2.  A DJ that plays songs longer than three minutes.

3.  Female patrons that aren’t overcompensating by trying to be “one of the guys”.

4.  A decently cooked meal for under $25.

5.  A television with Sports Center on.

6.  An STD self-diagnosis station.

7.  A special VIP section for “Stripper Dads”.

8. A lending library for customers who get bored.

9. A zero drink minimum.

10.  A day care center.