Meteors have shitty aim.  Actually no aim.  Is it any wonder the only thing they can hit is something the size of Russia?  Here’s ten things you’ll never see one of them hit.

1.  Your dog while playing fetch  (“That’s it, boy.  Get the stick!  Oh, shit.”)

2.  A televised sporting event  (“Johnson goes back to pass, the receiver is open—  Sweet Jesus!  What the fuck is that?!”)

3.  Morgan Freeman  (What are the odds?  I mean, he was the president in Deep Impact.  That would just be insane to single out him.)

4.  Your neighbor in the middle of a conversation  (“Hey, Bill.  Can I borrow your hedge trimmers?  Thanks.  What the—   Holy shit!”)

5.  Some dude that just said something really blasphemous  (“Fuck Jesus and I don’t believe in God!”  Ka-boom!)

6.  A cop who has just given you a ticket as he walks back to his car.  (What’s the etiquette on that?  Do I stay or drive away?)

7.  Some expert or authority figure right in the middle of a speech about how safe the meteor landing is.  (“I assure you, there’s nothing to worry—”  Ka-boom!)

8.  The other end of a roller coaster.  (And you’re on it and for a few seconds after you sail off the track toward oblivion, you’re like, “Wow, this is really a good roller coaster.”)

9.  You, about 15 minutes into Skyfall.  (Upside, you don’t have to see the rest of it.)

10.  Some really guilty douchebag.  (“Fuck you cops!  I killed all those people and walked!”  Ka-boom!)