Professors are complicated.  They have a lot of free time on their hands and spend a lot of money on elbow patches.  Watch what you say if you’d like to pass the class.  Here are ten things you should never say.

1.  I don’t think you should be so judgmental about my paper.

2.  Hey!  I pay your salary!  Grade it again!

3.  No, I didn’t buy the book, I just took out the one in the library.

4.  If you don’t want me high in your class, then maybe you should be more interesting.

5.  Here’s five bucks and there will be five dollars more when my grade goes up.

6.  Your assigning another paper?  Dick move, bro.

7.  I know you’re a bad professor because I’ve been in this class for weeks and haven’t learned shit.

8.  I can watch Game of Thrones on my iPad and listen to you.

9.  I think my hangover should totally be taken into consideration for this term paper.

10.  Your penis is way smaller than I imagined.