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Rewritten: Shitty Lyrics Momentarily Overwhelm Pop Icon’s Brain

Real: Seattle Shooting “Hero” Threw Stools at Gunman: Police

Rewritten: Misleading Headline Implies Poop Being Thrown

Real: Madonna Disses Lady Gaga

Rewritten: Old Woman Shakes Fist at Younger Woman

Real: Men’s Desk Germier Than Women’s, Study Finds

Rewritten: Semen Rarely Found on Women’s Desk, Study Finds

Real: Sheriff:  Maryland Student, 21, Admits Eating Housemate’s Heart, Part of Brain

Rewritten: Maryland Roommates Not Getting Along Well

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Real: Key Part of Federal Gay Marriage Law Ruled Unconstitutional

Rewritten: U.S. Still Homophobic

Real: Singapore Stocks-Set To Open Lower, Wall St Weighs

Rewritten: Rich Singapore People Finally Decide to Screw Singapore Poor

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Rewritten: Zombie Apocalypse Off to Confusing Start