Candidates say a lot of strange things, but here’s ten things you’ll never see them say.  Welcome to Ten Things You’ll Never See.

1.  “I can’t wait to nuke some motherfuckers.”

2.  “It’s always been my life-long dream to be the president and to bang Helen Thomas.”

3.  “I’m happy to introduce my vice president, this squirrel.”

4.  “Any law that can’t be tweeted to me will be vetoed immediately.”

5.  “On my first day as president, we shall invade Antarctica and teach those cold bastards a lesson!”

6.  “I’m only here because Goldman Sachs hired me to do this.”

7.  “If elected, the national anthem shall be changed to Panama by Van Halen.”

8.  “I think we’ve been ignoring Ron Paul during this debate, I’ll let him speak for a moment.”

9.  “I may not understand international politics, but I’ve boned a ton of foreign chicks.”

10.  “You don’t understand, I have to win this election or my bookie will break my legs!”